{"id":1124,"date":"2025-03-07T21:52:13","date_gmt":"2025-03-07T16:22:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/?p=1124"},"modified":"2025-03-07T21:52:14","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T16:22:14","slug":"%f0%9f%a4%a3-warning-these-jokes-will-make-you-cry-laughing-%f0%9f%98%82-01","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/%f0%9f%a4%a3-warning-these-jokes-will-make-you-cry-laughing-%f0%9f%98%82-01\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83e\udd23 Warning: These Jokes Will Make You Cry Laughing! \ud83d\ude02 01"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk.
\nThe people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars.
\nBeing poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.
\nThe cow was wonderful.
\nIt produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.
\nThey decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.
\nThen they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
\nThey bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
\nHowever, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
\nNo matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
\nThe people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.
\nThey told the rabbi what was happening;
\n\u201cWhenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.
\nIf he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
\nAn approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.\u201d
\nThe rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked,
\n\u201cDid you buy this cow from Alberta?\u201d
\nThe people were dumbfounded.
\nThey had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.
\n\u201cYou are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?\u201d
\nThe rabbi answered sadly, \u201cMy wife is from Alberta.\u201d
\nA wife asks her husband, \u201cHoney, if I died
\nA guy had a dog that kept getting into the neighbors<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,
\n\u201cDenounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!\u201d
\nThe dying man said nothing.
\nThe priest repeated his order.
\nStill the dying man said nothing.
\nThe priest asked, \u201cWhy do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?\u201d
\nThe dying man said, \u201cUntil I know where I\u2019m heading, I don\u2019t think I ought to aggravate anybody.\u201d
\nThe story of one 10-year-old boy
\nA woman walks into the city center<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man was married to a woman whose commands to her husband were as sharp as the bite of a barracuda.
\nIt wasn\u2019t so much that he was a coward, or too timid to talk back, but you know how it is let\u2019s keep peace in the family.
\nOne day the wife invited a group from the local women\u2019s club to her house for tea and discussions.
\nTo make sure that her husband did not interrupt the goings-on, she ordered him into the closet and sternly told him to stay there until the last lady had left.
\nDuring their bridge game, the ladies of the club spoke of the authority they wielded over respective husbands.
\nNot to be outdone, the hostess informed the others that not only had she ordered her husband into the closet, but she could order him to come out, at will.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll prove it,\u201d she boasted.
\n\u201cBob!\u201d she commanded, \u201ccome out of that closet!\u201d No response.
\n\u201cBob!\u201d she called in a louder voice, \u201ccome out of that closet this instant!\u201d Nothing.
\n\u201cBob!\u201d she screamed at the top of her lungs, \u201cI order you to get out of that closet this instant!\u201d
\n\u201cNo, I won\u2019t!\u201d came her husband\u2019s muffled cry from inside the closet.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll show you who\u2019s boss in this house!\u201d
\nJim first time leaving Europe
\nHarry and Sam were going for a stroll<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
\nJust to see what would happen, on Christmas day their father loaded the pessimist\u2019s room with every imaginable toy and game.
\nThe optimist\u2019s room he loaded with horse manure.
\nThat night the father passed by the pessimist\u2019s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
\n\u201cWhy are you crying?\u201d the father asked.
\n\u201cBecause my friends will be jealous, I\u2019ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I\u2019ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken.\u201d
\nAnswered the pessimist twin.
\nPassing the optimist twin\u2019s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure \u201cWhat are you so happy about?\u201d he asked.
\nTo which his optimist twin replied, \u201cThere\u2019s got to be a pony in here somewhere!\u201d
\nTickle Me Elmo toys
\nYesterday I was at my local supermarket<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A priest and a nun are on their way back from the seminary when their car breaks down.
\nThe garage doesn\u2019t open until morning so they have to spend the night in a hotel.
\nIt only has one room available.
\nThe priest says:
\n\u201cSister, I don\u2019t think the Lord would object if we spend the night sharing this one room.
\nI\u2019ll sleep on the sofa and you have the bed.\u201d
\n\u201cI think that would be fine,\u201d agrees the nun.
\nThey prepare for bed, say some prayers and settle down to sleep.
\nTen minutes pass, and the nun says:
\n\u201cFather, I\u2019m very cold.\u201d
\n\u201cOK,\u201d says the priest,
\n\u201cI\u2019ll get a blanket from the cupboard.\u201d
\nAnother ten minutes pass and the nun says again:
\n\u201cFather, I\u2019m still terribly cold.\u201d
\nThe priest says: \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll get up and fetch you another blanket.\u201d
\nAnother ten minutes pass, then the nun murmurs softly:
\n\u201cFather I\u2019m still very cold. I don\u2019t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for a night.\u201d
\n\u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d says the priest.
\n\u201cGet your own blankets.\u201d
\nThe Scotsman\u2019s first baseball game
\nI was out walking with my 4 year old daughter<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted her.
\nThe supervisor couldn\u2019t believe it: The nurse\u2019s hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her melons was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!
\n\u201cMiss Jennings! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your melons exposed!\u201d
\n\u201cOh,\u201d said the nurse, as she stuffed her melons into her uniform, \u201cIt\u2019s those darn interns! They never put anything back when they\u2019re through using it!\u201d
\nTwo businessmen were taking
\nA young lady meet a man in a pub<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.
\nA young boy, about nine, opened the door.
\n\u201cIs your Dad home\u201d? the farmer asked.
\n\u201cSorry mate, he isn\u2019t\u201d the boy replied. \u201cHe went into town.\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d said the farmer, \u201cIs your mum here\u201d?
\n\u201cNo, sir, she\u2019s not here either. She went into town with Dad.\u201d
\n\u201cHow about your brother, Greg? Is he here\u201d?
\n\u201cHe went with Mum and Dad.\u201d
\nThe farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
\n\u201cIs there anything I can do for ya\u201d?
\nthe boy asked politely.
\n\u201cI know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one.
\nOr maybe, I could take a message for Dad.\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d said the farmer uncomfortably,
\n\u201cI really wanted to talk to your Dad. It\u2019s about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant.\u201d
\nThe boy considered for a moment.
\n\u201cYou\u2019d have to talk to Dad about that,\u201d he finally conceded.
\n\u201cIf it helps you any,\u2026 I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don\u2019t know how much he gets for Greg.\u201d
\nOne common question was asked to all
\nA sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph\u2019s Hospital<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man walks out onto a busy New York City street and happens to catch a taxi just going by.
\nHe gets into the taxi, and the cabby says, \u201cWow, perfect timing. You\u2019re just like Frank.\u201d
\nThe passenger looks confused, and asks, \u201cWho..??\u201d
\nThe cabby says, \u201cFrank Feldman..!!\u201d
\nHe explains, \u201cHe\u2019s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.\u201d
\nThe passenger remarked, \u201cThere are always a few clouds over everybody.\u201d
\n\u201cNot Frank Feldman.\u201d The cabby said with gusto.
\nHe clarified, \u201cFrank Feldmans was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.\u201d
\nThe passenger said, \u201cSounds like he was really something special.\u201d
\nThe cabby replied, \u201cThere\u2019s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody\u2019s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.\u201d
\nThe cabby kept going, \u201cHe could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman \u2013 he could do everything right.\u201d
\nThe passenger was amazed, \u201cWow, what a guy!\u201d
\nThe cabby continued, \u201cHe always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.\u201d
\nThe cabby concluded: \u201cHe was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.\u201d
\nPassenger: \u201cHow did you meet him?\u201d
\n?????: \u201c? ????? ???????? ??? ?????. ?? ???? ??? ? ??????? ??? ????.\u201d
\nA man was sitting on the edge
\nHe was a widower and she was a widow<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

There was a little girl who really loved dolls.
\nShe had a big collection of them in her bedroom.
\nOne day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll.
\nIt would make a perfect addition to her collection.
\nShe only hoped she had enough money to buy it.
\n\u201cHow much is that doll, ma\u2019am?\u201d, she asked the old woman behind the counter.
\n\u201cThis doll is not for sale\u201d, replied the woman.
\n\u201cBut it\u2019s so beautiful\u201d, said the girl. \u201cI really want it.\u201d
\nThe old woman became irritated.
\n\u201cI told you, it\u2019s not for sale\u201d, she said.
\n\u201cWhy not?\u201d, persisted the girl.
\n\u201cBecause this doll is cursed!\u201d
\n\u201cWell\u2026 That\u2019s OK. I don\u2019t mind.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m not going to sell it to you\u2026 But if you really must have it, go ahead and take it. It\u2019s yours. But if something bad happens, don\u2019t blame me.\u201d
\n\u201cAh! Yes, thank you!\u201d said the girl, smiling as she grabbed the doll and walked out of the shop.
\nThe little girl was so delighted to get the doll for free that she ran all the way home, carrying it in her arms.
\nWhen she got home to her apartment building, she went into the lobby. It was deserted.
\nShe stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive.
\nThe doors opened and she stepped inside, clutching her new doll tightly.
\nThe doors closed, but the elevator did not move.
\nThe little girl got scared and began trembling with fear.
\n\u201cOMG\u201d, she thought to herself. \u201cIs this the curse of the doll?\u201d
\nSuddenly, she felt the doll move in her arms.
\nEver so slowly, its head turned to face her.
\nThe little girl wanted to scream but she couldn\u2019t make a sound.
\nThe doll\u2019s eyelids fluttered and opened.
\nIt stared at her with it\u2019s lifeless glass eyes.
\nThen its mouth opened and it said, \u201cPush the button to go up, bitch!\u201d
\nThe preacher has just finished an inspiring
\nA American traveling to Japan<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
\nShe wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn\u2019t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities.
\nShe just couldn\u2019t bring herself to write the word \u201ctoilet\u201d in her letter.
\nAfter much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term \u201cBathroom closet\u201d but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
\n\u201cDoes the camping ground have its own B.C.\u201d is what she wrote.
\nWell, the camping ground owner was not old fashioned, and he just couldn\u2019t figure out what the old lady was talking about.
\nSo he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C
\nstood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply:
\nDear Madam,
\nI regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
\nI admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it.
\nThey usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
\nThe last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there.
\nIt may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
\nI would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
\nAs we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather.
\nIf you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
\nRemember this is a very friendly community.
\nI need to inspect your ranch
\nA elderly Irish farmer<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.
\nHis Mother said, \u201cSure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?\u201d
\n\u201cUhh, oh yeah, O.K.\u201d responded the kid.
\nSo his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
\nWhen she gets back, Dad asked, \u201cWell how much did you give the boy this time?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s $1020!!!\u201d yelled Dad, \u201cAre you going crazy???\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry hon,\u201d Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, \u201cI taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!\u201d
\nShe charged that he had called her a pig
\nThe doctor examined the man<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young boy says to his father \u201cDad, our math teacher is asking to see you.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat happened?\u201d The father asks.
\n\u201cWell, she asked me, \u2018how much is 7 * 9?\u2019 I answered \u201963\u2019 , then she asked, \u2018and 9 * 7?\u2019 So I asked \u2018what\u2019s the bloody difference?\u2019
\n\u201cIndeed, what is the difference?\u201d asks the father. \u201dSure, I\u2019ll go.\u201d
\nThe next day, the boy comes home from school and says, \u201cDad, have you gone by the school?\u201d
\n\u201cNot yet.\u201d
\n\u201cWell when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.\u201d
\n\u201cWhy?\u201d asks the father.
\n\u201cWell we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. \u2018Now,\u2019 he says, \u2018lift your left leg,\u2019 so I asked, \u2018What, am I suppose to stand on\u2026. my weapon??\u2019\u201d
\nExactly,\u201d says the father. \u201cAlright, I\u2019ll come.\u201d
\nThe next day, the boy asks his father \u201cDid you go to the school?\u201d \u201cNo, not yet.\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t bother, I got expelled.\u201d
\nSurprised, the father asks \u201cWhy did you get expelled?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, they summoned me to the principal\u2019s office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat the bloody hell was the art teacher doing there!?\u201d asks the father.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s what I bloody said!\u201d
\nA lady went to the bar on a cruise ship
\nA blonde goes into a store<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man and his wife went to a doctor.
\nThe Doctor took the husband in first.
\nThe husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an self enjoyment with his wife and she was getting frustrated.
\nHe checked his blood pressure and other things and finally told him he would see his wife now.
\nHe took her to another cubicle and told her to completely disrobe.
\nThen he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
\nShe did as instructed.
\nHe then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.
\nThen he said, \u201cOK, you can get dressed now, I will talk to your husband.\u201d
\nThen the doctor went into the other office and told the husband, \u201cYou can relax. There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn\u2019t get an self enjoyment either!\u201d
\nA man rushes into his house
\nThis woman asks her husband why he Is acting crazy<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.
\nAfter long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.
\nAfter recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.
\nThe little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch watched the turtle with pain.
\nSuddenly the female bird says to the male, \u201cHey dear, I think it\u2019s time to tell our little turtle he is adopted.\u201d
\nThree Guys Go In For A Job Interview
\nLittle Johnny is constantly late for school<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

15. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A Husband And Wife Went To Have Dinner At A 5-Star Restaurant.
\nAs the waiter comes with their food, the husband says,
\n\u201cOur food has arrived! Let\u2019s eat it!\u201d
\nThe wife reminds him \u201cHoney, you always say your prayers at home before eating our dinner!\u201d
\nThe husband says, \u201cThat\u2019s at home but here the chef knows how to cook food.\u201d
\nA couple had been married for 40 years
\nA man shops for groceries with his wife<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

This guy goes into a doctors and says \u201cDoctor, doctor you\u2019ve gotta help me. I just can\u2019t stop having lovemaking!\u201d
\n\u201cWell how often do you have it?\u201d the doctor asks.
\n\u201cWell, twice a day I have lovemaking with my wife, TWICE a day\u201d, he answers back.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s not so much\u201d, says the doctor.
\n\u201cYes, but that\u2019s not all. Twice a day I have lovemaking with my secretary, TWICE a day,\u201d replies the man.
\n\u201cWell that is probably a bit excessive,\u201d says the doctor.
\n\u201cYes, but that\u2019s not all. Twice a day I have make love with a call girl, TWICE a day,\u201d says the man.
\n\u201cWell, that\u2019s definitely to much\u201d, says the doctor.
\n\u201cYou\u2019ve got to learn to take yourself in hand.\u201d
\n\u201cI do\u201d, says the man. \u201cTwice a day.\u201d
\nA guy walks into a post office
\nThree young women are at a party<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Anne was on her deathbed breathing her last.
\n\u201cAnne\u201d, said Anne\u2019s husband Jim.
\n\u201cPlease, please,tell me, is there anything I can do for you?\u201d
\n\u201cWell\u201d croaked Anne, \u201cThere is something. After I die, it would mean so much to me if you would marry my best friend Sandra.\u201d
\n\u201cYou have nothing to worry about Anne\u201d said Jim taking her hand,
\n\u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about that for a while now already.\u201d
\nA terrible motorcycle accident
\nA lady was walking down the street<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.
\n\u201cI\u2019m looking to take out a personal loan of $5000,\u201d the frog said.
\nThe loan officer stared at him skeptically. \u201cDo you have anything to offer as collateral?\u201d
\nThe frog dug around in his pockets, and after a moment he produced a small, badly misshapen clay statue.
\n\u201cWhat on Earth is that?\u201d The loan officer asked.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s just a trinket. I don\u2019t have much to offer as collateral, I live in a swamp you see. But I swear I\u2019m good for it!\u201d
\nThe loan officer crossed her arms. \u201cIs it valuable? The bank is not a charity, sir!\u201d
\nAt this, the frog burst into tears. \u201cPlease! I\u2019m desperate! My wife is pregnant with our 4000th-8000th kids, and things are tight! Can\u2019t you help me???\u201d
\nHearing the commotion, the bank manager came over and asked what the trouble was.
\nThe loan officer explained: \u201cThis frog wants a $5000 dollar loan, and all he\u2019s offering for collateral is this little\u2026 thing. I don\u2019t even know what this is supposed to be!\u201d
\nThe manager looked at the clay statue, threw his hands up and said,
\n\u201cIt\u2019s a knock-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man\u2019s a Rolling Stone!\u201d
\nBig People Words
\nA big city lawyer went duck hunting<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.
\nLittle Suzy raised her hand, \u201cMy dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.\u201d
\nWell, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.
\nThe teacher asked for the moral of the story.
\nSuzy replied, \u201cDon\u2019t keep all your eggs in one basket.\u201d
\nLittle Lucy went next, \u201cMy dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator.\u201d
\nLast weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.
\nAgain, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
\nLucy replied, \u201cDon\u2019t count your chickens before they hatch.\u201d
\nNext up was little Johnny.
\nHe said, My gramps fought in World War 2, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory.
\nHe jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a knife.
\nOn the way down, he drank the case of beer.
\nThe teacher looked stunned, but little Johnny continued, Then gramps landed right in the middle of 100 German soldiers.
\nHe shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets!
\nSo he pulled out his knife and killed 20 more.
\nThen the blade on his knife broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands.
\nThe teacher now looked more than a little shocked.
\nAfter clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
\n\u201cWell,\u201d Johnny replied, \u201cdon\u2019t mess with gramps when he\u2019s been drinking.\u201d
\nMrs Murphy and Mrs Cohen
\nA lion was feeling very hungry<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

20. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market.
\nAs they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said,
\n\u201cYou fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?\u201d
\nSo the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way.
\nBut soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, \u201cSee that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.\u201d
\nSo the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself.
\nBut they hadn\u2019t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.
\nWell, the man didn\u2019t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey.
\nBy this time they had come to the town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them.
\nThe man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at.
\nThe men said, \u201cAren\u2019t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours, you and your hulking son?\u201d
\nThe man and boy got off and tried to think what to do.
\nThey thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey\u2019s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders.
\nThey went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole.
\nIn the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned.
\nTry to please everyone, and you will please no one.
\nThree Kids Are Arguing About
\nA photographer from a well known<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

21. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

During a visit to a closed institution, a visitor asks the director what criteria are used to decide whether someone has to be admitted or not.
\nThe director says, \u201cWell, we fill a bathtub, give the candidate a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him to empty the bathtub.
\nThe visitor:\u201d Ah, I see, and a normal person would take the bucket with it it goes faster, yes? \u201d
\nDirector:\u201d No, a normal person would pull the plug \u2026
\nWould you like a room with or without a balcony? \u201c
\nA Man wishes every night
\nAfter 50 Years of Marriage, A Couple Was in Bed at Night, Then Wife Felt Something<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

22. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

As she was walking through a lovely park, she noticed a sad man sitting on a bench.
\nNext to him, there was a very tiny person playing a tiny piano. The woman got quite curious, and decided to approach and ask what was going on.
\nShe said, \u201cHello, what a cute little musician you\u2019ve got there. Where did you find him?\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cI met a genie who told me that I could make a wish, any wish.\u201d
\n\u201cReally?!?\u201d the woman asked.
\n\u201cWhere did you find him?\u201d
\n\u201cI came upon this lamp while I was vacationing in Egypt,\u201d the man said, and pulled out a small lamp out of his backpack.
\nThe woman was getting really excited.
\n\u201cWow! Can I try it?\u201d
\n\u201cSure, but wait.\u201d
\nThe man didn\u2019t have time to complete his sentence before the woman had grabbed the lamp and rubbed it vigorously.
\nA genie appeared and said in a booming voice, \u201cYou are hereby granted one wish Choose well!\u201d
\nThe man tried to interject, \u201cNow wait just a-\u201d but the woman instantly blurted out \u201cI wish for a million bucks!\u201d
\nSuddenly, one million ducks appeared around them. The noise from all the quacking around them was deafening.
\nThe genie bowed and disappeared into the lamp.
\nThe woman said, \u201cAwh shoot I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks you know what, I think your genie\u2019s hard of hearing.\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cYou\u2019re telling me\u2026 Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?\u201d
\nThe friendly usher
\nA Vicar goes to the dentist<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

23. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out.
\n\u201cYou can each have one wish,\u201d said the genie.
\nThe wife made her wish first \u201cI would like to travel around the world, with my husband,\u201d.
\nSuddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets for travel around the world.
\nNow it was the husbands turn, \u201cWell\u201d said the husband, with a naughty look on his face \u201cI wish I can have a younger companion,\u201d.
\nThe words were barely out of his mouth when poof, he aged 20 years!
\nTwo men met at a bus stop
\nJim walked into his favorite restaurant<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A leper goes to watch a baseball game but when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat.
\nBecause pieces of him are peeling and flaking off, he\u2019s very concerned about grossing out the other fans.
\nThe leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque appearance won\u2019t disturb anyone finally, he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game.
\nHe asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.
\nThe man answers, \u201cYeah just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.\u201d
\nThe leper sits down and adds, \u201cAs you can see, I have leprosy if it disturbs you, I\u2019ll move.\u201d
\n\u201cIt doesn\u2019t bother me just shut up, and watch the game.\u201d
\nA while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.
\nSeeing this, the leper gets up and says, \u201cThank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick, I\u2019ll find another place to sit.\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s NOT you just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.\u201d
\nSo the leper sits back down but during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again this time it is projectile vomits.
\nA powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man\u2019s mouth and nose until his stomach is completely emptied.
\nSeeing this, the leper gets up and says, \u201cThank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but it\u2019s obvious that my appearance has caused you to get sick, I\u2019ll find another place to sit.\u201d
\n\u201cReally, it\u2019s NOT you just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.\u201d
\nSo the leper sits back down but during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again this time it is the dry heaves.
\nThe leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering and once again, the leper offers to leave.
\nBut the man insists, \u201cReally, it\u2019s NOT you.\u201d
\nSo the leper asks, \u201cWell if it\u2019s not me that is making you so sick, than what is it?\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s that guy behind you he keeps dipping his nachos in your back!\u201d
\nA man from Texas is vacationing in Mexico
\nWho Is Doing All The Work<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

25. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby\u2019s crib.
\nSilently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
\nTouched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
\n\u201cA penny for your thoughts,\u201d she said.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s amazing!\u201d he replied.
\n\u201cI just can\u2019t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.\u201d
\nA old gentleman marries a younger lady
\nShe woke up and told her husband<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

26. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son.
\nThey happen to walk by the rubber pack display, and the boy asks, \u201cWhat are these, Dad?\u201d
\nThe man matter-of-factually replies, \u201cThose are called protection, son. Men use them to have safe lovemaking.\u201d
\n\u201cOh I see,\u201d replied the boys pensively.
\n\u201cYes, I\u2019ve heard of that in health class at school.\u201d
\nHe looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, \u201cWhy are there three in this package.\u201d
\nThe dad replies, \u201cThose are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.\u201d
\n\u201cCool!\u201d says the boy.
\nHe notices a pack of six and asks \u201cThen who are these for?\u201d
\n\u201cThose are for college men,\u201d the dad answers, \u201cTwo for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.\u201d
\n\u201cWow!\u201d exclaimed the boy.
\n\u201cThen who uses these?\u201d he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
\nWith a sigh, the dad replied, \u201cThose are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.\u201d
\nThere is a very special mirror
\nTwo dwarfs go into a bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

27. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room.
\nShe began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination.
\nJust as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
\nComing to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his undressed patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
\n\u201cMiss Smith,\u201d he said finally, \u201cit seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination.\u201d
\nThe Policeman recently stopped a woman
\nThere was this guy at a bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

28. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates.
\nHe has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.
\nHe\u2019s checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not.
\nSaint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, \u201cYou know, I can\u2019t see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.
\nTell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you\u2019re in.\u201d
\nThe guy thinks for a moment and says, \u201cWell, there was this one time when I was driving\u2019 down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that\u2019s what they were doing. There were about 50 of \u2019em torturing this chick.
\nInfuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang.
\nHe was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear.
\nAs I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.
\nSo I ripped the leader\u2019s chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron.
\nThen I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, \u2018Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You\u2019re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!’\u201d
\nSt. Peter, extremely impressed, says, \u201cReally? Wow, when did all this happen?\u201d
\n\u201cEr.. about two minutes ago.\u201d
\nHe immediately turns to her
\nA elderly lady was well-known<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

29. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

There was a loser who couldn\u2019t get a date.
\nHe went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.
\nThe guy said, \u201cIt\u2019s simple.
\nI just say, I\u2019m a lawyer.\u201d
\nSo the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
\nAfter she said \u201cNo,\u201d he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
\nShe said, \u201cOh!!!! Your a lawyer?\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cWhy,\u2026 Yes I am!\u201d
\nSo they went to his place and when they were in bed, lovemaking, he started to laugh to himself.
\nWhen she asked what was so funny, he answered, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I\u2019m already lovemaking someone.
\nOne knight told his best friend
\nYoung lady drove a little yellow sports car<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

30. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man is in a hotel lobby.
\nHe wants to ask the clerk a question.
\nAs he turns to go to the front desk, he acciedently bumbs into a woman besides him, and as he does his elbow goes into her huge melons.
\nThey are both quite starled.
\nThe man turns to her and says, \u201cma\u2019am if your heart is as soft as your fronts, I know you\u2019ll forgive me\u201d.
\nShe replies, \u201cif your tool is as hard as your elbow, i\u2019m in room 436.
\nThree fathers are talking about their sons
\nA first-grade teacher Ms Brooks<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n\ud83e\udd23 Warning: These Jokes Will Make You Cry Laughing! \ud83d\ude02 01 - Abhinay Narayan Singh<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/\ud83e\udd23-warning-these-jokes-will-make-you-cry-laughing-\ud83d\ude02-01\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\ud83e\udd23 Warning: These Jokes Will Make You Cry Laughing! \ud83d\ude02 01 - Abhinay Narayan Singh\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"1. The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots ... 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The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots ... 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