{"id":1128,"date":"2025-03-07T21:53:23","date_gmt":"2025-03-07T16:23:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/?p=1128"},"modified":"2025-03-07T21:53:24","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T16:23:24","slug":"%f0%9f%98%82-hilarious-jokes-you-cant-resist-sharing-%f0%9f%a4%ad-03","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/%f0%9f%98%82-hilarious-jokes-you-cant-resist-sharing-%f0%9f%a4%ad-03\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83d\ude02 Hilarious Jokes You Can\u2019t Resist Sharing! \ud83e\udd2d 03"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, \u201cIf I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?\u201d
\nThe bartender considers it, then agrees.
\nThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
\nHe reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
\nThe rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
\nAfter the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, \u201cIf I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?\u201d
\nThe bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.
\nThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
\nHe reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
\nThe rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
\nThe man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat\u2019s music.
\nWhile the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
\n\u201cSorry,\u201d the man replies, \u201che\u2019s not for sale.\u201d
\nThe stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
\n\u201cNo,\u201d he insists, \u201che\u2019s not for sale.\u201d
\nThe stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
\nThe man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
\n\u201cAre you insane?\u201d the bartender demanded.
\n\u201cThat frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it.\u201d the man answered.
\n\u201cThe frog was really nothing special you see, the rat\u2019s a ventriloquist.\u201d
\nThe cop says woman
\nFox & Grapes<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man went to God and asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s the value of life?\u201d
\nGod gave him a stone and told him to figure out its value without selling it.
\nThe man then took the stone to an orange seller and asked about its value.
\nThe orange seller offered 12 oranges for it.
\nThe man refused and told the seller that God asked him not to sell it.
\nHe went to the vegetable seller and also asked him what is the value of that stone.
\nThe vegetable seller offered a sack of potatoes which the man refused too.
\nThen he proceeded to the jewelry shop and again asked about the value of the stone.
\nHe was offered $100,000 which he refused too.
\nBut the jeweler offered $150,000 again, however the man explained that he should not sell the stone.
\nIn the end, he went to a precious stone shop and again asked about the value of this shiny stone.
\nThe seller saw the ruby, laid it down a red cloth and he put it on it.
\nHe asked the man where he got the stone and told him that he could never be able to purchase it even if he sold the whole world and his own life.
\nThe man was stunned and went back to God and explained to him what happened.
\nThen he asked God one more time: \u201cWhat is the value of life?\u201d
\nTo which God replied: \u201cThe answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler and the Precious Stone\u2019s Seller explain the value of our life\u2026
\nYou may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people may value you based on their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability.
\nBut don\u2019t fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value.\u201d
\nIn the eyes of God everyone is unique and precious.
\nYou should respect yourself and know that nobody can replace you.
\nHe turns on his flashlight and proceeds
\nThe doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.
\nHis Mother said, \u201cSure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?\u201d
\n\u201cUhh, oh yeah, O.K.\u201d responded the kid.
\nSo his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
\nWhen she gets back, Dad asked, \u201cWell how much did you give the boy this time?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s $1020!!!\u201d yelled Dad, \u201cAre you going crazy???\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry hon,\u201d Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, \u201cI taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!\u201d
\nShe charged that he had called her a pig
\nThe doctor examined the man<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit.
\nWhen the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.
\nThe two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might.
\nThe other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead.
\nFinally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up
\nHe fell down and died.
\nThe other frog continued to jump as hard as he could.
\nOnce again,the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die.
\nHe jumped even harder and finally made it out.
\nWhen he got out, the other frogs said, \u201cDid you not hear us?\u201d
\nThe frog explained to them that he was deaf.
\nHe thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
\nTwo bachelors are talking
\nThe snow in a one-horse open sleigh<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A doctor remarked on his patients, ruddy complexion.
\n\u201cI know\u201d the patient said \u201cIt\u2019s high blood pressure, it\u2019s from my family.\u201d
\n\u201cYour mother\u2019s side, or father\u2019s side?\u201d questioned the doctor.
\nNeither, my wife\u2019s. \u201cWhat?\u201d the doctor said \u201cthat can\u2019t be, how can you get it from your wife\u2019s family?\u201d
\n\u201cOh yeah,\u201d the patient responded, \u201cYou should meet them sometime!\u201d
\nA lady went to a doctor office
\nSam goes to the doctor<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Mom, why am I named Rosemary?\u201d
\n\u201cBecause on the day you were born the cook of the hospital accidentally spilled a little rosemary on your cheek while you were in the incubator .\u201d
\nSatisfied the girl leaves the room and her brother walks in. \u201cMom, why is my name Leaf?\u201d
\n\u201cBecause on the day you were born a visitor was carry a bouquet of flowers and one of the leaves fell of and landed on your forehead.\u201d
\nThe satisfied boy left the room and his sister came in the room.
\n\u201cMommy, why was I named Lily?\u201d
\n\u201cBecause on the day you were born-\u201c
\n\u201cWaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!\u201d
\n\u201d KEEP QUIET REAL LIFE MINECRAFT GRAVEL I\u2019M TALKING TO YOUR SISTER! \u201c
\nChris Evans and Scarlett Johansson
\nA Kurdish man goes to a store<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The salesman approaches the farmer and says, \u201cGood day to you sir! I\u2019d like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what.\u201d
\nOld Joe interrupts the sales pitch and without a word leads the man to the barn.
\nWhen they get there he says,
\n\u201cYou a good salesman? Let me tell you a story.\u201d
\n\u201cThe other day I came out to milk old Bessie. I just got sat down behind her and she kicks me with her back left leg.\u201d
\n\u201cSo I tied it to the stall. Then she kicks me with her back right leg. So I tied that to the stall, too. Then she swats me right in the face with her tail. So I tied a piece of twine to her tail and looped the other end
\nover the rafters.\u201d
\nThe salesman gives a puzzled nod, and the farmer continues.
\n\u201cThen my wife walked into the barn and she sees me standing behind old Bessie.\u201d
\n\u201cNow, mister\u2026 if you can convince my wife I was only trying to MILK that cow I\u2019ll buy one of your damn tractors.\u201d
\nA baby turtle was standing
\nThree little boys visiting their grandparents<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.
\nShe wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
\nAfter many lengthy discussions after all, the client is always right an employee took the elderly woman to the president\u2019s office.
\nThe president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.
\nShe placed her purse on his desk and replied, \u2018$165,000\u2032 The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money.
\nThe elderly woman replied that she made bets.
\nThe president was surprised and asked, \u2018What kind of bets?\u2019
\nThe elderly woman replied, \u2018Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.\u2019
\nThe president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
\nThe woman never batted an eye.
\nShe just looked at the president and said, \u2018Would you like to take my bet?\u2019
\n\u2018Certainly\u2019, replied the president.
\n\u2018I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.\u2019
\nDone, the elderly woman answered.
\nBut given the amount of money involved, if you don\u2019t mind I would like to come back at 10 \u2018 clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.
\nDuring camouflage training
\nShortly after British Airways 293 flight<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day and asked her what she had between her legs.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s something you\u2019re never going to talk about again. And you shouldn\u2019t touch it because it has teeth,\u201d she replied.
\nMany years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs because he was very scared.
\nOne day, however, he met the love of his life, and they got married.
\nOn their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there.
\n\u201cNo,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s got teeth.\u201d
\n\u201cSilly goose!\u201d she said.
\nShe spread her legs wide for him to see. \u201cSee? No teeth!\u201d
\n\u201cWell, I\u2019m not surprised,\u201d he replied. Not with gums like that.
\nA little boy and his grandfather
\nA couple were driving home<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Three devout nuns were summoned into the priest office one day.
\nHe told them \u201cYou have been loyal to the Lord and our church.
\nBecause of this, I am granting you permission to go out and sin one time.
\nAt the end of the day come back, confess your sin, bathe in holy water, and you will be forgiven.\u201d
\nAt the end of the day the three nuns returned.
\nThe priest called on the first nun. \u201cWhat sin have you committed my child?\u201d The priest asked.
\n\u201cI stole coins from the fountain,\u201d the nun replied. \u201cYou are forgiven.
\nGo bathe in the holy water.\u201d
\nHe called the second nun to him.
\nHe asked her sin and she replied \u201cI danced around the square n*ked.\u201d
\nHe forgave her sin and sent her to bathe in the holy water.
\nThe priest called the third nun to him.
\nThe third nun walked in the office giggling uncontrollably.
\nThe priest asked what sin she had committed.
\nWhen she got her laughter under control she replied \u201cI peed in the holy water.
\nThree mice are sitting in a bar
\nTwo guys walking in front of a large church<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don\u2019t have to go to school on Monday.
\nThe first Friday the question was, \u201cHow many gallons of water is there in the whole world.\u201d
\nNo one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
\nNext Friday, the question was, \u201cHow many grains of sand is there in the whole world.\u201d
\nNo one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.
\nBy this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn\u2019t want to go to school on Monday.
\nSo he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the ping-pong balls up to her.
\nShe asked, \u201cAlright, who\u2019s the comedian with the black balls?\u201d
\nJohnny said, \u201cEddie Murphy, see you Tuesday.\u201d
\nA man went to the police station
\nA priest was hiking in the woods<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
\nShe puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
\nShe finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
\nHe appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
\nShe watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee\u2026
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, dear?\u201d, she whispers as she steps into the room.
\nThe husband looks up from his coffee,
\n\u201cI am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?\u201d, he says solemnly.
\nThe wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
\n\u201cYes, I do\u201d, she replies.
\nThe husband pauses.
\nThe words were not coming easily.
\n\u201cDo you remember when your father caught us in my car?\u201d
\n\u2018Yes, I remember\u201d, says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
\nThe husband continues.
\n\u201cDo you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
\n\u201cEither you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?\u201d
\n\u201cI remember that also\u201d, she replies softly.
\nHe wipes another tear from his cheek and says\u2026
\n\u201cI would have been released today if only I took the right decision!\u201d
\nThe husband called the wife on the phone
\nA woman went down to the Welfare Office<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A certain king of Spain who was very proud of his ancestors was known for his cruelty toward those who were weaker than him.
\nOnce he was travelling with his retinue over a field in Aragon where years ago he had lost his father in a battle,
\nwhen he came upon a holy man rummaging through an enormous pile of bones.
\n\u201cWhat are you up to there?\u201d asked the king.
\n\u201cAll honor to Your Majesty!\u201d said the holy man.
\n\u201cWhen I heard that the king of Spain was coming here, I decided to gather the bones of your deceased father and deliver them to you but no matter how hard I look, I cannot find them, they are just the same as the bones of peasants, the poor, beggars and slaves.\u201d
\nThe teacher begins her lesson
\nSanta was traveling in a train<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Open her front door, stand on the porch and scream, \u201cPraise the Lord.\u201d
\nThis infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, \u201cThere is no Lord.\u201d
\nOne morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food. Thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch.
\nThe next morning the lady screamed, \u201cPraise the Lord, who gave me this food.\u201d
\nThe neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t the Lord, it was me.\u201d
\nThe lady without missing a beat screamed,
\n\u201cPraise the Lord for not only giving me food, but making the atheist pay for it!\u201d
\nWhen I was interned in Dr Eiras Hospital
\nA elderly couple were killed in an accident<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

15. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having lovemaking so he asks,
\n\u201cWhat are you guys doing?\u201d and they reply \u201cNothing, nothing! we\u2019re just uh, making cake\u201d and they send him away.
\nSo he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having lovemaking and then asks him \u201cWhat are you guys doing?\u201d
\nAnd his brother yells \u201cGet out! were making cake!\u201d
\nSo Johnny leaves and goes to his room.
\nThe next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says,
\n\u201cSo, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!\u201d
\nAnd she replies \u201cOMG! Hows you know!?!?\u201d and
\nJohnny replies, \u201cBecause, I licked the icing off the couch\u201d ayyyyyy.
\nElder brother and his girlfriend
\nSuperman and flash were in the living room<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

George was planning on going out with \u201cThe Boys\u201d when his wife told him that he wasn\u2019t leaving the house.
\nGeorge\u2019s Wife: \u201cThe last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt.\u201d
\nGeorge: \u201cBut Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!\u201d
\nSo after begging his old lady for an hour,..
\nGeorge got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze.
\nGeorge met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced.
\nAfter about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.
\nGeorge: \u201cShit! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!\u201d
\nBill, George\u2019s best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.
\nBill: \u201cAll you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door.
\nThen, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself,
\nJust tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned.\u201d
\nSo, when drunk ass George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.
\nGeorges wife: \u201cI knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!\u201d
\nGeorge: \u201cHoney, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned.\u201d
\nHis wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.
\nGeorge\u2019s wife: \u201cIs that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?\u201d
\nGeorge: \u201cOh, That\u2019s from the guy who shit in my pants.\u201d
\nA minister gave a talk to the community center
\nThree friends who were lost in the forest<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.
\nHe was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, \u201cPick me up.\u201d
\nHe looked around and couldn\u2019t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, \u201cPick me up.\u201d
\nHe looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
\nThe man said, \u201cAre you talking to me?\u201d
\nThe frog said, \u201cYes, I\u2019m talking to you. Pick me up.
\nThen, kiss me and I\u2019ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
\nI\u2019ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.\u201d
\nThe man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
\nThen the frog said, \u201cWhat, are you nuts? Didn\u2019t you hear what I said?
\nI said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.\u201d
\nHe opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
\n\u201cNah, at my age I\u2019d rather have a talking frog.\u201d
\nThree old ladies are sitting in a diner
\nThe angry wife met her husband<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
\nIn his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
\nFinally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
\nThe hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff his hopes were dim.
\nSeeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, \u201cDear God! Please give this bear some religion!\u201d
\nThe skies darkened and there was lightning in the air just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
\nSuddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, \u201cThank you, God, for the food I\u2019m about to receive.\u201d
\nWife Comes Home Drunk
\nShe gets out of bed<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.
\nEveryone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.
\nOne person said that he was the smartest thing that hit the face of the Earth, and that he was too smart to die.
\nSo, he took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft.
\nThe second person said that she was too important to die, she had children and a family to take care of, and they depended on her to care for them.
\nSo, she took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft.
\nThe third person said that he was too important to die because his family depended on him for survival.
\nHe was the head of household and the sole bread winner.
\nSo, he took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft.
\nFinally, there were only two people left, and one parachute.
\nOne person was a 12-year-old boy, and the other was a 65-year-old man.
\nThe old man said, \u201cWell son, I have lived a good life, and you are too young to die, you have a long life ahead of you.
\nSo, you take the last parachute.\u201d
\nThe boy asked, \u201cWhy, Sir?\u201d
\nThe old man said, \u201cWell, there is only one parachute left.\u201d
\nThe little lad said, \u201cSir there are really two parachutes left.\u201d
\nThe old gentlemen asked, excitedly, \u201cYeah? How?\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d replied the boy, \u201cyou know that guy who thought he was the smartest and greatest thing that hit the face of the Earth?
\nHe grabbed my backpack.\u201d
\nA lady came to the hospital
\nA lady goes to the doctor and complains<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

20. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.
\nHere is your Oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses.
\nIf you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many cafes located throughout the area,\u201d said Peter.
\n\u201cHeck, Gloria,\u201d the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off,
\n\u201cWe could have been here ten years ago if you hadn\u2019t insisted on exercising three times a week and eating that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat food!\u201d
\nThe Infuriated Atheist Neighbor
\nJoe packs the picnic basket<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

21. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor, \u201cWhere is my baby?!\u201d
\nThe doctor replies, \u201cThey are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl.
\nYour husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother named them.\u201d
\nThe woman looked concerned, as her brother wasn\u2019t the sharpest tool in the shed. \u201cOh no. What did he name them?\u201d
\n\u201cHe named the girl Denise,\u201d The doctor replies.
\nThe woman, relieved, \u201cWell, that\u2019s not so bad. What about the boy?\u201d
\n\u201cDenephew.\u201d
\nA judge was interviewing a woman
\nThe passenger window and tapped lightly<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

22. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.
\nIt\u2019s about 10 feet long.
\nThe bartender flips out and says, \u201cHey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here.
\nIt\u2019s going to bite one of my customers and I\u2019m going to get sued.\u201d
\nThe guy says, \u201cNo no no, it\u2019s a tame alligator.
\nI\u2019ll prove it to you.\u201d
\nHe picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar.
\nThen he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator\u2019s mouth.
\nThe alligator just keeps his mouth open.
\nAfter about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator\u2019s mouth and zips up his pants and says, \u201cSee, I told you it was a tame alligator.
\nAnybody else want to try it?\u201d
\nThe drunk down at the end of the bar says, \u201cYah, I\u2019d like to try it but I don\u2019t think I can hold my mouth open that long.
\nThere are 3 girls on a island
\nTwo hot young ladies are talking<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

23. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man with a mask on walks into a bank and goes to the desk.
\nHe pulls out a gun and points it at the lady at the desk. He says,\u2019Open the vault skank\u2019.
\nThe woman says, \u2018Sir, this is a seed bank.
\nWe don\u2019t have any money here\u2019.
\nThe man says, \u2018Open the vault right now or i\u2019m going to blow your bang head off\u2019. She opens the vault and turns back to the man and he said, \u2018Take out one of those jars\u2019.
\nThe woman said, \u2018please sir, i promise you we don\u2019t have any money here.
\nThis is a seed bank\u2019.
\nThe man said, \u2018Take out one of those jars right now or ill blow your bang head off\u2019.
\nThe women turns, grabs the jar and looks back to the man and he said, \u2018Take lid off and swallow it\u2019.
\nShe looks at him in disgust and pleads to him saying, \u2018Sir, this is seed.
\nPlease, i\u2019m not drinking seed.
\nWe don\u2019t have any money here. Please leave\u2019.
\nThe man says, \u2018Take the lid off and drink it or ill blow your bang head off\u2019.
\nSo the woman\u2019s takes off the lid and kicks it back real quick and swallows it with little to no problem then turns to look back at the man and to her amazement he took off the mask and it was her husband.
\nHe looked at her and said, \u2018See! It\u2019s not that bang difficult is it\u2019.
\nA guy goes on to a ship
\nGirl melons got one size bigger<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Mr Brown was telling his son a bed-time story.
\n\u201cOnce upon a time there was a white bunny\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cJeez..dad it\u2019s boring,what about science fiction?\u201d
\n\u201cOk, Ok\u201d
\nMr Brown said,
\n\u201cOnce upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and\u2026.\u201d
\n\u201cDad, a little more grown up!\u201d
\n\u201cDo you promise me not to tell your mom?\u201d asked Mr Brown.
\n\u201d I swear!\u201d
\n\u201cOk\u201d,
\n\u201cOnce upon a time there was a undressed bunny\u2026\u201d
\nA father was reading a magazine
\nThe Elderly Couple Gets Stranded On Island<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

25. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple went to a bang therapists office
\nThe doctor asked, \u201cWhat can I do for you?\u201d
\nThe man said, \u201cWill you watch us having lovemaking, for your expert analysis?\u201d
\nThe doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
\nWhen the couple finished, the doctor said,
\n\u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with the way you have lovemaking,\u201d and charged them $50\/-.
\nThis happened several weeks in a row.
\nThe couple would make an Appointment, have lovemaking with no problems pay the doctor fees and then leave.
\nFinally the doctor asked, \u201cJust exactly what are you trying to find-out?\u201d
\nThe man said, \u201cWe\u2019re not trying to find out anything.
\nShe\u2019s married And we can\u2019t go to her house \u2013 I\u2019m married and we can\u2019t go to my house.
\nThe 5 star hotel charges $3000\/-, 3 star hotel charges $1500\/-, Any other hotel charges minimum $500\/- for one day room.
\nWe do it here for $50\/-, and I get that back from Medical Insurance.\u201d
\nAn elderly man walks into a confessional
\nA man came to visit his grandparents<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

26. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.
\nSuddenly the drunk stands up and yells, \u201cAttention all!!\u201d and farts loudly.
\nThe wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says,
\n\u201cExcuse me, you just farted before my wife.\u201d
\nThe drunks replies, \u201cI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t know it was her turn.\u201d
\nA family is at the dinner table
\nThe nervous young bride became irritated<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

27. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two friends went to interview for the same job.
\nThey were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
\nThe second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
\nThe interviewer reviewed the man\u2019s resume and then asked him a few questions.
\nThe interview was going well until the interviewer asked, \u201cSo if you are on a moving train and it was very hot, what would you do?\u201d
\nThe man thought about it for a second and responded, \u201cWell, I would open the window.\u201d
\n\u201cAmazing!\u201d exclaimed the interviewer and asked, \u201cLet\u2019s say the train is traveling at 100 miles per hour, and the window is 1.25 sq ft. How much air would enter your cabin in a minute?\u201d
\nThe man thought about the equation for a while, tried to answer it but failed. So he was rejected and returned to the waiting room and his friend in despair.
\nHe quickly told his friend about the interviewer\u2019s question so he wouldn\u2019t suffer the same fate.
\nThe second friend was called into the interview room.
\nThe interviewer reviewed his resume and began with a few mundane questions before asking, \u201cIf you are a train and it was very hot, what would you do?\u201d
\n\u201cUh, well,\u201d the friend stumbled on the question, \u201cI would take my jacket off, of course.\u201d
\nThe interviewer responded, \u201cWell, what if it was still too hot?\u201d
\n\u201cI would take off my shirt!\u201d exclaimed the friend.
\nThe interview then asks again, \u201cWhat if it is still too hot, even without a jacket and your shirt?\u201d
\nThe man then said, \u201cI would take off all my clothes, but I would not open the window!\u201d
\nOne night a blonde nun was praying
\nTwo blonde girls walk into a store<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

28. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar.
\nHis first friend says, \u2018I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren\u2019t mine.\u2019
\nHis second friend says, \u2018I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn\u2019t mine.\u2019
\nSanta says, \u2018I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.\u2019
\nBoth his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
\n\u2018No I\u2019m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.\u2019
\nA teacher realized that one of his students
\nA elderly couple a priest and a doctor<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

29. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood.
\nHis wife answered, \u201cNot tonight dear I have a headache.\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cIs that your final answer\u201d? She said, \u201cYes.\u201d
\nHe said. \u201cOK, then, I\u2019d like to phone a friend.\u201d
\nA woman is in bed with her lover
\nA husband and wife decided<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

30. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Many years ago a man was travelling through the mountains of Switzerland.
\nNightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep.
\nHe went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
\nThe farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
\nAs the story goes, the farmer\u2019s daughter asked her father, \u201cWho is that man going into the barn?\u201d
\n\u201cThat fellow is travelling through,\u201d said the farmer.
\n\u201cNeeds a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.\u201d
\nThe daughter said, \u201cPerhaps he is hungry.\u201d
\nSo she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.
\nAbout an hour later, the daughter returned.
\nHer clothing dishevelled and straw in her hair.
\nStraight up to bed she went. The farmer\u2019s wife was very observant.
\nShe then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty.
\nSo she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour.
\nShe also headed straight to bed. The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
\nWhen the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears.
\n\u201cHow could he leave without even saying goodbye,\u201d she cried.
\n\u201cWe made such passionate love last night!\u201d
\n\u201cWhat?\u201d shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
\nThe farmer screamed up at him, \u201cI\u2019m going to get you!
\nYou had make love with my daughter!\u201d
\nThe man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out\u2026 \u201cLAIDTHEOLADEETOO!
\nA doctor drives by a small town
\nA guy comes home from work<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, \u201cIf I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?\u201d The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. 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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, \u201cIf I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?\u201d The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny ... 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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, \u201cIf I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?\u201d The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny ... 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