{"id":1130,"date":"2025-03-07T21:54:03","date_gmt":"2025-03-07T16:24:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/?p=1130"},"modified":"2025-03-07T21:54:04","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T16:24:04","slug":"%f0%9f%a4%a3-best-ever-jokes-to-light-up-your-mood-instantly-%f0%9f%a4%aa-04","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/%f0%9f%a4%a3-best-ever-jokes-to-light-up-your-mood-instantly-%f0%9f%a4%aa-04\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83e\udd23 Best Ever Jokes to Light Up Your Mood Instantly! \ud83e\udd2a 04"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A Man asks every night before going to bed:
\n\u201cOh Lord, make me win the main prize in the lottery!\u201d
\nSo it goes year in and year out Man gets old and rickety over the years,
\nbut every evening he asks: \u201cLord, make me win the main prize in the lottery!\u201d
\nOne evening a voice replied:
\n\u201c Man, give me a chance! Buy a lot!
\nA man goes to the doctor
\nDuring a visit to a closed institution<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man and a woman, who had never met before
\nfound themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
\nThough initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room
\nthe two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
\nAt 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying,
\n\u201cMa\u2019am, I\u2019m sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I\u2019m awfully cold.\u201d
\n\u201cI have a better idea,\u201d she replied.
\n\u201cJust for tonight, why don\u2019t we pretend that we\u2019re married?\u201d
\n\u201cWow! That\u2019s a great idea!!\u201d he is excited.
\nAnd she said.
\n\u201cThen get up and take it yourself\u201d!!
\nA group of psychiatrists were attending a convention
\nA man walks into a Bank gets in line<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

On New Year\u2019s Eve, a woman stood up at a local pub and said it was time to get ready for the midnight countdown.
\nAt the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living.
\nAs the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
\nThey were stopped by the police
\nThe Social Security Office<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

In a school science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.
\nThe first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
\nThe second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
\nThe third worm was put into a jar of sp*rm.
\nThe fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
\nAfter one day, these were the results:
\n1) The first worm in alcohol \u2013 dead.
\n2) Second worm in cigarette smoke \u2013 dead.
\n3) Third worm in s**rm \u2013 dead.
\n4) Fourth worm in soil \u2013 alive.
\nSo the Science teacher asked the class \u2013 \u201cWhat can you learn from this experiment?\u201d
\nLittle Johnny quickly raised his hand and said:
\n\u201cAs long as you drink, smoke and have love, you won\u2019t have worms.
\nA woman was having a daytime affair
\nA lady approaches a priest and tells him<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A policeman goes home after a long and exhausting day at work.
\nHe enters the dark bedroom and strips off his uniform, leaving it on the floor.
\nBeing so tired he did not bother to turn on the light, plus he didn\u2019t want to disturb his wife who was in bed.
\nJust before he got into bed his wife said,
\n\u201cHoney we are out of bread, please buy one at the corner shop, as I needed it to make breakfast for the kids.\u201d
\n\u201cFine,\u201d said the husband,
\n\u201cbut you should have mentioned it before I took off my uniform.\u201d
\nHe then put on his uniform and went to the corner shop.
\nHe took up the loaf of bread and while paying for it, the cashier says to him.
\n\u201cNew job?\u201d
\n\u201cNah\u201d replied the policeman.
\n\u201cReally?\u201d said the cashier, \u201cso how come you have on fireman uniform?\u201d
\nA husband went to the police station
\nTwo old ladies Dolly and Ruby<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.
\nThey have just lost their bull.
\nThe women need to buy another, but only have $500.
\nThe redhead tells the blonde, \u201cI will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.
\nIf I can, I will send you a telegram.\u201d
\nShe goes to the market and finds one for $499.
\nHaving only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.
\nShe is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
\nFinally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word \u201ccomfortable.\u201d
\nSkeptical, the operator asks, \u201cHow will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?\u201d
\nThe redhead replies, \u201cShe\u2019s a blonde so she reads slow: \u2018Come for ta bull.\u2019\u201d
\nTwo elderly women were trying on shoes
\nA blonde goes to the local bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An 80 year old women was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.
\nDuring her court appearance the judge asked the lady.
\n\u201cSo tell me why did you steal the peaches?\u201d to which the old lady replied,
\n\u201cYour honor I was very hungry because my husband and I have no money to eat\u201d.
\nThe judge then asked the old lady \u201cHow many peaches were in the tin?\u201d
\n\u201cSix\u201d she replied.
\n\u201cOK i\u2019m going to give you one day in prison for each peach.\u201d
\nAll of a sudden, the wife\u2019s husband stood up and objected the judge\u2019s ruling.
\n\u201cYour honor I have to admit, last week she stole a can of peas\u201d.
\nTwo old ladies Dolly and Ruby
\nTwo men were having a of golf<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said,
\n\u201cYou had a great checkup. Is there anything that you\u2019d like to talk about or ask me?\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d he said, \u201cI was thinking about getting a vasectomy.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?\u201d
\n\u201cYeah, and they\u2019re in favor 15 to 2.\u201d
\nA blonde girl goes to the council
\nMrs. Parks asked her class<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Haggard and tired Fred returns home from a long day of golf with his golf buddies.
\nFred\u2019s wife greets him at the door and seeing his condition exclaims, \u201cHoney, you look awful, how was your game?\u201d
\nHeaving a sigh, Fred replies, \u201cWorst game of golf I\u2019ve ever played.\u201d
\nHis wife asked what happened.
\nHe went on to explain, \u201cCharlie had a heart attack and dropped dead on the first tee.\u201d
\n\u201cOh, that\u2019s just terrible,\u201d his wife exclaimed.
\n\u201cIt WAS terrible,\u201d Fred replied.
\n\u201cAll day long it was: Hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie.\u201d
\nYou Are All The Same
\nA duck walks into a general store<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An 87 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.
\n\u201cI\u2019ve never been better!\u201d he boasted.
\n\u201cI\u2019ve got an 18 year old bride who\u2019s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?\u201d
\nThe doctor considered this for a moment, then said, Let me tell you a story.
\nI knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
\nHe never missed a season but one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.
\nThe doctor continued, \u201cSo he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
\nHe raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle and do you know what happened?\u201d the doctor asked.
\nDumbfounded, the old man replied, \u201cNo, what?\u201d
\nThe doctor continued, \u201cThe bear dropped dead in front of him.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s impossible!\u201d exclaimed the old man.
\n\u201cSomeone else must have shot the bear.\u201d
\nThe doctor replied, \u201cThat\u2019s kind of what I\u2019m getting at.\u201d
\nA young woman visiting her new doctor
\nMick Says To Paddy<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her:
\nAfter following along for a while, turns to her and asks.
\n\u201cHey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?\u201d
\n\u201cNO!\u201d Says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
\nThe motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks.
\n\u201cHey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.\u201d
\n\u201cNO!\u201d Says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
\nThe motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says.
\n\u201cOkay kid, my last offer! I\u2019ll give you 20 Bucks and a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride.\u201d
\nFinally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out.
\n\u201cLook, Dad, you\u2019re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley \u2013 YOU RIDE IT.\u201d
\nJohn O\u2019Reilly hoisted his beer
\nTwo ladies are walking their dogs<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The king of a small African nation had an elegant golden throne in his large grass hut.
\nWhen an old friend came to visit from another nation, he was worried that the man would discover he was a king and treat him differently.
\nHe searched frantically for a place to hide the throne, but to no avail.
\nFinally, he decided to have it wedged up in the ceiling of his hut.
\nWhen his friend arrived, he went to the hut\u2019s opening to greet him just then, the ceiling started to give way, and the golden throne fell on the king and killed him.
\nA tourist is picked up by a cab
\nThe father shark said to the son shark<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Little Tommy was doing very poorly in math
\nHis parents had tried everything: tutors, flash cards, special learning centers in short, everything they could think of.
\nFinally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
\nAfter the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face
\nHe didn\u2019t kiss his mother hello
\nInstead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
\nBooks and papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work his mother was amazed.
\nShe called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
\nThis went on for sometime, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
\nFinally, little Tommy brought home his report card.
\nHe quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books with great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math.
\nShe could no longer hold back her curiosity.
\nShe went to his room and said, \u201cSon, what was it? Was it the nuns?\u201d
\nLittle Tommy looked at her and shook his head, \u201cNo.\u201d
\n\u201cWell then,\u201d she replied, \u201cwas it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?\u201d
\nLittle Tommy looked at her and said, \u201cWell, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy on the wall bared to the big plus sign, I knew they weren\u2019t fooling around.\u201d
\nA good cat
\nShe calmly writes down his order<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things, when he noticed an old lady following him around.
\nThinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
\nFinally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
\n\u201cPardon me,\u201d she said,
\n\u201cI\u2019m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It\u2019s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m very sorry,\u201d replied the young man,
\n\u201cis there anything I can do for you?\u201d
\n\u201cYes,\u201d she said,
\n\u201cAs I\u2019m leaving, can you say \u2018Good bye, Mother\u2019? It would make me feel so much better.\u201d
\n\u201cSure,\u201d answered the young man.
\nAs the old woman was leaving, he called out,
\n\u201cGoodbye, Mother!\u201d
\nAs he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
\n\u201cHow can that be?\u201d He asked,
\n\u201cI only purchased a few things!\u201d
\n\u201cYour mother said that you would pay for her,\u201d said the clerk.
\nTwo old women are discussing
\nThe doctor said to the elderly man<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

15. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, \u201cwhere the hell have you been?\u201d
\n\u201cI was out getting a tattoo.\u201d
\n\u201cA tattoo?
\nWhat kind of tattoo did you get?\u201d
\n\u201cI got a hundred dollar bill on my manhood.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat the hell were you thinking?
\nWhy did you get a hundred \u201cdollar bill on your weapon?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, number one, I like to watch my money grow.
\nNumber two, once in a while, I like to play with my money.
\nAnd lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay home and blow a hundred bucks.\u201d
\nA couple was watching a Discovery Channel
\nA guy was sitting quietly reading his paper<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Mr Brown was telling his son a bed-time story.
\n\u201cOnce upon a time there was a white bunny\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cJeez..dad it\u2019s boring,what about science fiction?\u201d
\n\u201cOk, Ok\u201d
\nMr Brown said,
\n\u201cOnce upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and\u2026.\u201d
\n\u201cDad, a little more grown up!\u201d
\n\u201cDo you promise me not to tell your mom?\u201d asked Mr Brown.
\n\u201d I swear!\u201d
\n\u201cOk\u201d,
\n\u201cOnce upon a time there was a undressed bunny\u2026\u201d
\nA father was reading a magazine
\nThe Elderly Couple Gets Stranded On Island<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A teacher is trying to teach good manners to her third-grade students.
\nShe turned to her class and said,
\n\u201cMichael if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?\u201d
\nMichael said, \u201cJust a minute, I have to go pee.\u201d
\nThe teacher responded by saying, \u201cWell, that would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?\u201d
\nSherman said, \u201cI am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I\u2019ll be right back.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s better, but it\u2019s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you behave for once and show us your good manners?\u201d
\nJohnny said, \u201cI would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.\u201d
\nThat\u2019s when the teacher fainted.
\nJohnny asks his dad
\nA salesman is talking to an old farmer<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
\nHe says to his friend, \u201cThat\u2019s amazing. How did you get that?\u201d
\nThe man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish.
\nHe rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish.
\nSo the man thinks and says, \u201cI wish I had a million bucks.\u201d The genie says, \u201cOK, go outside, and your wish will be granted.\u201d
\nThe man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads.
\nHe goes back in and tells his friend what happend, and his friend replies, \u201cI know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?\u201d
\nSharing A Room
\nA little girl and her mother at church<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
\n\u201cIf you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019d have to say the living one.\u201d
\nQuasimodo goes to a doctor
\nThis guy walks into a bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

20. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

She got to the pearly gates to find an angel waiting.
\n\u201cWhat do I have to do to get in?,\u201d she asked.
\n\u201cYou just have to spell a word,\u201d the angel replied.
\n\u201cThat doesn\u2019t sound bad, what word do I have to spell?\u201d
\n\u201cLove.\u201d
\nRelieved, the woman quickly fired off, \u201cL-O-V-E\u201d.
\nThe angel nodded and opened the gate.
\nMany months passed and one day the angel guarding the gate approached the woman and asked if she would mind watching the gate for the day.
\nThe woman agreed and assumed her post while she\u2019s there, a man approached the gate, and it was none other than her husband!
\n\u201cOh, my love!,\u201d she cried, \u201cWhat has happened to you so soon?\u201d
\n\u201cMy dear, I was a wreck the day you left me, I fell into a deep depression that couldn\u2019t be beaten when you were in that accident, I couldn\u2019t sleep, I couldn\u2019t eat, I could do nothing but mourn for you,\u201d he said.
\n\u201cI hope you eventually were able to move on and not live with that pain for too long,\u201d she consoled.
\n\u201cActually,\u201d he replied, \u201cThere was a nurse that took wonderful care of you, and me as well! We eventually became very close, and she helped me so much.
\nI eventually asked her to marry me we were on our honeymoon when I got into a terrible skiing accident that\u2019s why I\u2019m here! So\u2026 what do I have to do to get in?\u201d
\n\u201cYou simply have to spell a word,\u201d she informed him.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s it? What a relief! What word do I have to spell?,\u201d he inquired.
\nTwo Elderly Nuns Dulce And Andrea
\nA shepherd discovered a fat Pig<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

21. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man tells his doctor that he\u2019s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do.
\nWhen the examination is over, he says,
\n\u201cOkay, Doctor. In plain English what\u2019s wrong with me?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, in plain English,\u201d says the doctor,
\n\u201cYou\u2019re just lazy.\u201d
\nThe man nods.
\n\u201cNow give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.
\nA wealthy man walked into a bar
\nA man and his dog walk into a pub<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

22. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A little old man told his wife, \u201cI have to go to my doctor\u2019s appointment now. I\u2019ll see you later.\u201d
\nAfter he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television.
\nA news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction.
\nKnowing that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him,
\n\u201cHoney, there\u2019s a car going in the wrong direction!\u201d
\nThe husband replied, \u201cThey\u2019re all going in the wrong direction!\u201d
\nA angry wife was complaining about her husband
\nA husband and wife were dining at restaurant<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

23. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and she sees a tree so she swerves to the left.
\nThe tree is still front of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.
\nWhen the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the Police Officer about the tree that was in front of her.
\nThe officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.
\nA man hasn\u2019t been feeling well
\nA Father is asked by his friend<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor.
\nAs they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father.
\nThey agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine.
\nThe doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father.
\nThe wife says, \u201cOh, that\u2019s actually better.\u201d
\nThe husband says he can\u2019t feel anything.
\nThen the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn\u2019t hurt nearly as much.
\nThe husband says he sill can\u2019t feel anything.
\nThe Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%.
\nThe husband still can\u2019t feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her.
\nThe baby is born.
\nThe couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.
\nA guy walks into a bar
\nA police officer attempts to stop<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

25. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An estranged father take his teenage daughter on a vacation to reconnect with her after her mother passed away
\nThe two check into the resort hotel & spend the day relaxing by the pool & getting to know each other
\nThe next morning the man comes down to reception to order some fresh towels & the concierge ask him how the reconnection going with her
\nHe say to the concierge everything going far better than he expected & he asks the concierge to have a large quantity of lettuce & carrots sent to the room with the towels
\nThe concierge asks him why he want so much lettuce & carrots & the man replies \u201cI want to see if she eats like a rabbit too\u201d
\nAn older woman gets pulled over for speeding
\nA pregnant woman walking across the street<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

26. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around.
\nThinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
\n\u201cPardon me,\u201d she said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable It\u2019s just that you look just like my son who just died recently.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m very sorry,\u201d replied the young man, \u201cIs there anything I can do for you?\u201d
\n\u201cYes,\u201d she said.
\n\u201cAs I\u2019m leaving, can you say \u2018Goodbye mother\u2019? It would make me feel much better.\u201d
\n\u201cSure,\u201d answered the young man as the old woman was leaving, he called out, \u201cGoodbye mother!\u201d
\nAs he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50
\n\u201cHow can that be?\u201d he asked, \u201cI only purchased a few things!\u201d
\n\u201cYour mother said that you would pay for her,\u201d said the clerk.
\nA man went to a gift store
\nA security guard has a dream<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

27. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
\nHe sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
\nHey mister, the monkey\u2026what does it know to worth that much money?
\nWell, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
\nGood monkey, it\u2019s worth the money.
\nHe goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
\n\u201cWhat does this monkey know?\u201d
\n\u201cIt knows Linux, Unix, Co rel and Auto-cad.\u201d
\n\u201cNice, even I don\u2019t know those things.\u201d
\nOn a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
\nThe story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
\n\u201cAnd what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?\u201d
\n\u201cI never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!\u201d
\nA security guard has a dream
\nThe bank robber<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

28. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An Australian asks a travel agent what\u2019s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.
\n\u201cI have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back?
\nVery well, I\u2019ve always wanted to see the world\u2019s tallest building.\u201d
\nHe packs his bag, wakes up at 6, rushes to the airport, takes off at 9, crosses Pacific 14 hours nonstop, runs to his connection, flies 10 more hours and never slept a wink cause of the jetlag.
\nBy this point he just wanted to crash at his hostel but was so sleep-deprived he almost got hit by a car at the airport.
\nA local asked \u201cDid you come here to die?\u201d \u201cNo I came here yesterday
\nOne day, Einstein has to speak
\nI paid a visit to an art gallery today<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

29. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
\nWarning keep out of children.
\nON A HAIR DRYER:
\nDo not use while sleeping.
\nON A BAG OF FRITOS:
\nYou could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
\nON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
\nDirections: Use like regular soap.
\nON A FROZEN DINNER:
\nServing suggestion: Defrost.
\nON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
\nFits one head.
\nON TESCO\u201dS TIRAMISU DESERT:
\nDo not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
\nON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
\nProduct will be hot after heating.
\nON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
\nDo not iron clothes on body.
\nON BOOTS CHILDRENS\u201d COUGH MEDICINE:
\nDo not drive car or operate machinery.
\nON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
\nWarning: may cause drowsiness.
\nON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
\nFor indoor or outdoor use only.
\nON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
\nNot to be used for the other use.
\nON SAINSBURY\u201dS PEANUTS:
\nWarning: contains nuts.
\nON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
\nInstructions: open packet, eat nuts.
\nON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
\nDo not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
\nYou Know You\u2019re Addicted
\nTelemarketer Repellant<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

30. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two elderly, excited women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.
\nWhen this preacher condemned the sin of lust, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs\u2026\u201dAMEN, BROTHER!\u201d
\nWhen the preacher condemned the sin of stealing, they yelled again\u2026\u201dPREACH IT, REVEREND!\u201d
\nAnd when the preacher condemned the sin of lying\u2026they jumped to their feet and screamed, \u201cRIGHT ON, BROTHER\u2026TELL IT LIKE IT IS\u2026AMEN!\u201d
\nBut when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, \u201cHe\u2019s done quit preaching and now he\u2019s meddling\u2019.\u201d
\nA man got really drunk one night
\nA young executive was leaving the office<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. 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