{"id":1188,"date":"2025-03-11T17:41:06","date_gmt":"2025-03-11T12:11:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/?p=1188"},"modified":"2025-03-11T17:41:07","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T12:11:07","slug":"the-funniest-jokes-that-will-brighten-your-day-01","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/the-funniest-jokes-that-will-brighten-your-day-01\/","title":{"rendered":"The Funniest Jokes That Will Brighten Your Day 01"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet
\n\u2018I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days, then skip a day \u2026\u2026 And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
\nThe next time I see you, you should have lost 5 pounds.\u2019
\nWhen the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
\n\u2018Why, that\u2019s amazing!\u2019 the doctor said, \u2018Did you follow my instructions?\u2019
\nThe Irishman nodded \u2018I\u2019ll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t\u2019aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.\u2019
\nFrom the hunger, you mean?\u2019 asked the doctor.
\n\u2018No, from all the bloody skipping !!
\nThe crate of chicken\u2019s
\nA couple stays at the Watergate Hotel<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An elderly guy sticks his head in the barbershop and asks,
\n\u201cHow long before I can get a haircut?\u201d
\nThe barber looks around the shop and says, \u201cAbout two hours.\u201d
\nThe elderly guy leaves.
\nA few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, \u201cHow long before I get a haircut?\u201d
\nThe barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, \u201cAbout two hours.\u201d
\nThe elderly guy leaves.
\nA week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, \u201cHow long before I can get a haircut?\u201d
\nThe barber looks around the shop and says, \u201cAbout an hour and a half.\u201d
\nThe elderly guy leaves.
\nThe barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, \u201cHey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.\u201d
\nIn a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
\nThe barber asks, \u201cBill, where did he go when he left here?\u201d
\nBill looked up and said, \u201cTo your house.\u201d
\nThe animals of the forest are having a meeting
\nA old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the Blonde CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
\n\u2018Listen,\u2019 said the CEO, \u2018this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?\u2019
\n\u2018Certainly,\u2019 said the young executive.
\nHe turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
\n\u2018Excellent, excellent!\u2019 said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. \u2018I just need one copy.\u2019
\nTwo elderly excited women were sitting
\nHe immediately turns to her<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee, so they stop at a cemetery.
\nWith nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
\nThe next day anna\u2019s boyfriend calls his friend, \u201cThey are never going out again! Anna came home without underwear!\u201d
\nThe other replies, \u201cYou think that\u2019s bad?
\nMy girlfriend came with a card in her crack that said,
\n\u2018From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you.
\nOne day a man goes to the beach
\nA little girl and a little boy<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
\nEveryone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
\nSoon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God\u2019s ultimate enemy was in his presence.
\nSo Satan walked up to the old man and said, \u201cDon\u2019t you know who I am?\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cYep, sure do.\u201d
\n\u201cAren\u2019t you afraid of me?\u201d Satan asked.
\n\u201cNope, sure ain\u2019t.\u201d said the man.
\n\u201cDon\u2019t you realize I can kill you with a word?\u201d asked Satan.
\n\u201cDon\u2019t doubt it for a minute,\u201d returned the old man, in an even tone.
\n\u201cDid you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?\u201d persisted Satan.
\n\u201cYep,\u201d was the calm reply.
\n\u201cAnd you\u2019re still not afraid?\u201d asked Satan.
\n\u201cNope.\u201d
\nMore than a little perturbed, Satan asked, \u201cWell, why aren\u2019t you afraid of me?\u201d
\nThe man calmly replied, \u201cBeen married to your sister for over 48 years.\u201d
\nShe calmly writes down his order
\nA climber fell off a cliff<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple had been married for 40 years and he managed all of the money.
\nHe told his wife that he did not ever want her to look inside the safe.
\nOne day, when he was away her curiosity got the best of her and she looked into the safe and found $10,000 and three eggs.
\nWhen her husband returned home, she told him what she had done.
\nHe said, \u201cI told you never to look inside the safe!\u201d
\nShe answered, \u201cToo bad, I did. But I don\u2019t understand what the 3 eggs are doing in the safe.\u201d
\nThe husband said, \u201cWell, to be perfectly honest, I put an egg in the safe every time I have an affair with another woman.\u201d
\nThe wife said, \u201cI am not pleased about that but, then again, I suppose 3 times in 40 years is not all that bad.\u201d
\nThe man answered, \u201cI should also tell you that when I get a dozen eggs, I sell them. That is where the money comes from.\u201d
\nA Italian couple is their honeymoon
\nA Husband And Wife Went To Have Dinner<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.
\nShe goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
\nWhen the farmer answers, she says to him, \u201cMy car broke down!
\nI don\u2019t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d drawls the farmer, \u201cyou can stay here, but I don\u2019t want you messing with my sons Jed and Luke.\u201d
\nThe blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
\n\u201cOkay,\u201d she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
\nSo she quietly goes into their room and says, \u201cBoys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?\u201d
\nThey say, \u201cHuh?\u201d She says, \u201cThe only thing is, I don\u2019t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.\u201d
\nShe puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
\nForty years later the old Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
\nThe old Jed says, \u201cLuke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?\u201d
\n\u201cYeah,\u201d says the old Luke, \u201cI remember.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, do you care if she gets pregnant?\u201d asks Jed.
\n\u201cNope,\u201d says Luke, \u201cI reckon not.\u201d
\n\u201cMe neither,\u201d says Jed.
\n\u201cLet\u2019s take these things off.\u201d
\nDr. Darns said George
\nMrs Jones told her pastor<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow\u2019s final exam.
\n\u2018Now class, I won\u2019t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
\nI might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that\u2019s it, no other excuses whatsoever!\u2019
\nA smart student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, \u2018What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter make love exhaustion?\u2019
\nThe entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
\nWhen silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, \u2018Well, I guess you\u2019d have to write the exam with your other hand.\u2019
\nA woman sat down on a park bench
\nA golfer was having a tough day<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

When the expensive printer photocopier in an office began print black lines on every page,
\nThe office manager called a local repair shop,
\nwhere a friendly man informed him that the unit probably needed only to be cleaned.
\nBecause the store charged $100 for such cleaning,
\nHe said, the manager might try reading the manual and doing the job himself.
\nPleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked,
\n\u201cDoes your boss know that you discourage business?\u201d
\n\u201cActually it\u2019s my boss\u2019s idea,\u201d the employee replied.
\n\u201cWe usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.\u201d
\nA man asked his doctor
\nWhile teaching religion class<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:
\n\u201cA wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
\nOne-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.
\nNow, what does each get?\u201d
\nAfter a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.
\nWith complete sincerity in his voice, answered, \u201cA lawyer!\u201d
\nA guy gets on a plane and finds himself
\nA wife arriving home to find her husband in bed<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
\nThe old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, \u201cWell, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.\u201d
\n\u201cThe next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I\u2019d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.\u201d
\n\u201cAnd that\u2019s how you built an empire?\u201d the boy asked.
\n\u201cHeavens, no!\u201d the man replied. \u201cThen my wife\u2019s father died and left us two million dollars.\u201d
\nThe pretty teacher was concerned
\nA man and a woman were dating<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

As she was walking through a lovely park, she noticed a sad man sitting on a bench.
\nNext to him, there was a very tiny person playing a tiny piano. The woman got quite curious, and decided to approach and ask what was going on.
\nShe said, \u201cHello, what a cute little musician you\u2019ve got there. Where did you find him?\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cI met a genie who told me that I could make a wish, any wish.\u201d
\n\u201cReally?!?\u201d the woman asked.
\n\u201cWhere did you find him?\u201d
\n\u201cI came upon this lamp while I was vacationing in Egypt,\u201d the man said, and pulled out a small lamp out of his backpack.
\nThe woman was getting really excited.
\n\u201cWow! Can I try it?\u201d
\n\u201cSure, but wait.\u201d
\nThe man didn\u2019t have time to complete his sentence before the woman had grabbed the lamp and rubbed it vigorously.
\nA genie appeared and said in a booming voice, \u201cYou are hereby granted one wish Choose well!\u201d
\nThe man tried to interject, \u201cNow wait just a-\u201d but the woman instantly blurted out \u201cI wish for a million bucks!\u201d
\nSuddenly, one million ducks appeared around them. The noise from all the quacking around them was deafening.
\nThe genie bowed and disappeared into the lamp.
\nThe woman said, \u201cAwh shoot I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks you know what, I think your genie\u2019s hard of hearing.\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cYou\u2019re telling me\u2026 Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?\u201d
\nThe friendly usher
\nA Vicar goes to the dentist<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
\nThe first kid says, \u201cMy dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.\u201d
\nThe second kid replies,\u201dYeah?
\nWell, that\u2019s nothing.
\n\u201cMy dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the night shift, he sleeps with the lady next door.\u201d
\nThree boys are in the schoolyard
\nA guy is walking down the street<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
\n\u201cYou know,\u201d he says, \u201cI really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me.
\nBut there\u2019s always that doubt.\u201d
\nHis friend says, \u201cYeah, I know what you mean.\u201d
\nA couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business.
\nBefore he goes, he gets together with his friend.
\n\u201cWhile I\u2019m away, could you do me a favor?
\nCould you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on?
\nI mean, I trust my wife but there\u2019s always that doubt.\u201d
\nThe friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.
\nTwo weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
\n\u201cSo did anything happen?\u201d
\n\u201cI have some bad news for you,\u201d says the friend.
\n\u201cThe day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house.
\nThe horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away.
\nLater, after dark, the car came back.
\nI saw your wife and a strange man get out.
\nThey went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window.
\nYour wife was kissing the man.
\nThen he took off his shirt.
\nThen she took off her top.
\nThen they turned off the light.\u201d
\n\u201cThen what happened?\u201d says the man.
\n\u201cI don\u2019t know. It was too dark to see.\u201d
\n\u201cDamn, you see what I mean?
\nThere\u2019s always that doubt.
\nOne day Emma came home and asked her mother
\nJohnny went to confession<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

15. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side.
\n\u201cSon, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants.
\nI gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did.
\nThey were huge on her and she said that she couldn\u2019t wear them because they were too large.
\nI said to her, \u2018Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.\u2019
\nEver since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.\u201d
\nBrian took his dad\u2019s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night.
\nThen, Jill took off her underclothes and gave them to Brian.
\n\u201cTry these on,\u201d she said.
\nBrian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small.
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s the point of this? I can\u2019t get into your underclothes,\u201d said Brian.
\n\u201cExactly,\u201d Jill replied, \u201cand if you don\u2019t change your attitude, you never will!\u201d
\nBob goes to see his friend Pete
\nJohn O\u2019Reilly hoisted his beer<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man named Marty called his son.
\n\u201cHarry I have news to tell you, I know it\u2019s going to upset you but I have made up my mind and there is nothing you can do about it. I have decided to divorce your mother.\u201d
\n\u201cBut dad how can that be the son asked you have been married for 40 years, and you always seemed to get along? What happened suddenly?\u201d
\n\u201cSon, I have made up my mind, and I don\u2019t want you to try to convince me out of it.\u201d
\n\u201cOK\u201d the son responded but promise me you won\u2019t do anything until I come and talk to you in person, and I am going to ask all of the siblings to fly in also.
\n\u201cAlright\u201d said the father hanging up you have my word.
\n\u201cWell\u201d said Marty, turning to his wife \u201cI got them all to come in and I didn\u2019t even have to pay for the tickets.\u201d
\nDave took Mary out for dinner
\nLittle Bob went with his mom to church<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A woman goes to her doctor for her annual check up.
\nThe nurse starts with certain basic items.
\n\u2018How much do you weigh?\u2019 she asks
\n\u2018Eight and a half stone,\u2019 the woman says.
\nThe nurse puts her on the scales and tells; her weight is actually ten stone
\nThe nurse asks, \u2018Your height?\u2019 \u20185 foot 8 !!!\u2019, she says.
\nThe nurse checks and says that she only measures 5\u2032 2\u2032.
\nShe then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman that it is very high.
\n\u2018Of course it\u2019s HIGH !!!\u2019 the woman screams, \u2018When I came in here I was tall and slender\u2026
\nNow I\u2019m short and fat !!!\u2019
\nA elderly Irish farmer
\nHe awoke before the Pearly Gates<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper.
\nHe looked up and said, \u201cHere is a great sale on tires!\u201d
\nHis wife replied, \u201cWhat do you want tires for? You don\u2019t have a car.\u201d
\nHe says, \u201cDo I complain when you go out and buy a new corset?\u201d
\nThis elderly couple is watching television
\nA woman is bouncing on her bed<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream.
\nShe was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her.
\nHe asked what was wrong.
\nShe said, \u201cI had a dream that I died and you got remarried.\u201d
\nShe asked him, \u201cIf I died tomorrow would you get remarried?\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cSure, I don\u2019t want to spend the rest of my life lonely.\u201d
\nThen she asked, \u201cWell would you two live in this house?\u201d
\n\u201cSure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage.\u201d
\nShe asked again, angry now \u201cwell would she sleep in this bed?\u201d
\nHe snickered and said, \u201cYes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there\u2019s no reason to get rid of it.\u201d
\nShe asked irately, \u201cWell would she use my golf clubs?\u201d
\nHe replied with a straight, serious face \u201cNo. She\u2019s left handed.\u201d
\nThe mother asks little Johnny
\nA little boy asked his dad<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

20. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man eagerly waited at the train station to pick up his mother-in-law, who was visiting for the first time in a while.
\nAfter spotting her, he greeted her with a smile and helped load her heavy suitcases into the car.
\nAs they drove in silence for a while, the man nervously asked,
\n\u201cSo, how long are you planning to stay with us?\u201d
\nHis mother-in-law, with a knowing smile, replied,
\n\u201cI\u2019m planning to stay as long as you want me to!\u201d
\nThe man thought for a moment, smiled back, and said,
\n\u201cWhat, so short?\u201d
\nA student came up to a pretty girl
\nLittle Johnny is riding with his Uncle Bob<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

21. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains.
\nNeither one could account for his trouble.
\nArriving home from work one night, he informed her.
\n\u201cI finally discovered why I\u2019ve been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I\u2019ve been sitting in the wastebasket.\u201d
\nThomas is 32 years old and he is still single
\nA elderly man who sold flowers in a small town<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

22. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A 15-year-old Little Johnny comes home with a Porsche his parents began to yell and scream.
\n\u201cWhere did you get that car?\u201d
\nHe calmly told them, \u201cI bought it today.\u201d
\n\u201cWith what money?\u201d Demanded his parents.
\n\u201cWe know how much a Porsche costs!\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d said the Little Johnny, \u201cthis one cost me fifteen dollars.\u201d
\nThe parents began to yell even louder.
\n\u201cWho would sell a car like this for fifteen dollars!?\u201d They asked.
\n\u201cIt was the lady up the street,\u201d said the boy, \u201cdon\u2019t know her name they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.\u201d
\n\u201cOh my goodness!\u201d Gasped the mother,
\n\u201cShe must be a child abuser! Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what\u2019s going on.\u201d
\nSo the boy\u2019s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in her yard calmly planting flowers.
\nHe introduced himself as the father of the boy she sold the Porsche to for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why.
\n\u201cWell,\u201d she said, this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
\nI thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn\u2019t intend to come back.
\nHe claimed he was really stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.
\nTwo ladies are walking their dogs
\nA Man Was At Home Watching TV<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

23. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two Hillbillies sitting in a Diner having a bite to eat.
\nAfter the meal they start to discuss their plans to expand the family moonshine business.
\nAll of a sudden, the woman on the table next to theirs starts to cough.
\nIt\u2019s going on for a while, so Billy-Bob walks over and asks \u2018kin ye swalla..?\u2019
\nthe woman shakes her head..
\n\u2018Kin ye breeve?\u2019
\nas she turns a shade of blue, the woman shakes her head again
\nWithout a seconds thought Billy-Bob lifts her dress, pulls her p**ties down and gives a long wet lick to her right b*m cheek.
\nSo shocked by this the woman\u2019s body shuddered with disgust and the blockage cleared with a jolt.
\nBilly-bob walks back to his table, Billy-Ray turns in amazement\u2026 \u2018I done did hear about that Hind Lick Maneuver, but i didn\u2019t see it be done before!\u2019
\nA plane crashes
\nA woman was having a daytime affair<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple were out doing some Christmas shopping together.
\nThe shopping center was packed, and as the wife emerged from a shoe and handbag shop, she was surprised to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
\nIrritated because they had a lot to do, she called his mobile to ask him where he was.
\nIn a subdued voice he replied,
\n\u201cDo you remember that jewellery store we went into a couple of years ago, where you fell in love with that beautiful diamond necklace that we couldn\u2019t afford, and I promised that I would buy it for you one day?\u201d
\nBarely able to contain her emotions and with tears already forming in her eyes, she said,
\n\u201cYes, of course I remember that shop.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, I\u2019m in the pub next door to there.\u201d
\nTwo elderly people living in a Florida
\nA guy walks into a drug store<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

25. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn\u2019t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation.
\nThe doctor checks out his leg, but can\u2019t find anything wrong.
\nSo he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can\u2019t come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
\nThe doctor hands the patient his bill and says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there\u2019s nothing I can do about it.\u201d
\nThe old man replies with a look of disbelief, \u201cThat\u2019s impossible! That can\u2019t be!\u201d
\nThe Doctor says, \u201cWhat do you mean? I\u2019m the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it\u2019s NOT old age?\u201d
\nThe patient answers, \u201cI\u2019m no doctor but it doesn\u2019t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong.
\nClearly you\u2019re mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine.\u201d
\n\u201cSo what?\u201d says the doctor \u201cWhat difference does that make?\u201d
\n\u201cWell it doesn\u2019t hurt a bit, and it\u2019s the SAME AGE!\u201d
\nA Irishman is in the bar
\nA woman went shopping<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

26. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A Dog and a rooster, who were the best of friends, wished very much to see something of the world.
\nSo they decided to leave the farmyard and to set out into the world along the road that led to the woods.
\nThe two comrades traveled along in the very best of spirits and without meeting any adventure to speak of.
\nAt nightfall the rooster, looking for a place to roost, as was his custom, spied nearby a hollow tree that he thought would do very nicely for a night\u2019s lodging.
\nThe Dog could creep inside and the rooster would fly up on one of the branches
\nSo said, so done, and both slept very comfortably.
\nWith the first glimmer of dawn the rooster awoke for the moment he forgot just where he was.
\nHe thought he was still in the farmyard where it had been his duty to arouse the household at daybreak.
\nSo standing on tip-toes he flapped his wings and crowed lustily but instead of awakening the farmer, he awakened a Fox not far off in the wood.
\nThe Fox immediately had rosy visions of a very delicious breakfast.
\nHurrying to the tree where the rooster was roosting, he said very politely:
\n\u201cA hearty welcome to our woods, honored sir
\nI cannot tell you how glad I am to see you here.
\nI am quite sure we shall become the closest of friends.\u201d
\n\u201cI feel highly flattered, kind sir,\u201d replied the rooster slyly.
\n\u201cIf you will please go around to the door of my house at the foot of the tree, my porter will let you in.\u201d
\nThe hungry but unsuspecting Fox, went around the tree as he was told, and in a twinkling the Dog had seized him.
\nSome tourists in the Chicago Museum
\nOnce while a travelling Tenali Rama<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

27. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there\u2019s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table\u2026
\nHe\u2019s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn\u2019t have the courage to start talking to her.
\nSuddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
\nHis reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
\nThe redhead is mortified. \u201cOh my, I am so sorry,\u201d
\nshe says as she pops her eye back into place. \u201cLet me buy your dinner to make it up to you.\u201d
\nSo he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together.
\nAfterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar.
\nThey talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
\nAfter paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.
\nHe says yes and they return to her place. He ends up staying the night.
\nThe next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
\nThe guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is.
\nHe can\u2019t believe his luck. \u201cYou know,\u201d he said, \u201cyou are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?\u201d
\n\u201cNo,\u201d she replies, \u201cYou just happened to catch my eye.\u201d
\nA sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph\u2019s Hospital
\nA Mafia Godfather finds out<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

28. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies\u2019 group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
\nShe baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.
\nShe said, \u201cOh dear, there\u2019s no time to bake another cake.\u201d
\nSo, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
\nAlice found it in the bathroom a roll of toilet paper.
\nShe plunked it in and covered it with icing.
\nThe finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.
\nBefore she left the house,
\nAlice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.
\nWhen the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.
\nAlice was beside herself.
\nThe next day, Alice was invited to a friend\u2019s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.
\nAfter the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.
\nAlice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, \u201cWhat a beautiful cake!\u201d
\nAlice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess who was a prominent church member say,
\n\u201cThank you, I baked it myself.\u201d
\nA woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie
\nA blonde was driving down<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

29. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon.
\nAfter two weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family.
\nSince this was a new home, the process took some time.
\nA week later, they received two tickets in the mail for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get.
\nThey were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this.
\nInside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line, \u201cGuess who sent them.\u201d
\nThe pair had much fun trying to identify the donor but failed in the effort.
\nThey went to the theater and had a wonderful time.
\nOn their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value.
\nAnd on the bare table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets:
\n\u201cNow you know!\u201d
\nShe comes home to find her husband in bed
\nA old man and his grand daughter were sitting<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

30. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.
\nAfter years of this, the wife wants him to quit.
\nShe gets two shot glasses, fills one with water and the other with whiskey.
\nAfter bringing him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box.
\nShe says, \u201cI want you to see this.\u201d
\nShe puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
\nShe puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
\nShe then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, \u201cWhat do you have to say about this experiment?\u201d
\nHe responds by saying, \u201cIf I drink whiskey, I won\u2019t get worms!\u201d
\nTheir 50th wedding anniversary
\nThe husband finds a box<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet \u2018I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days, then skip a day \u2026\u2026 And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. 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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet \u2018I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days, then skip a day \u2026\u2026 And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have ... 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