{"id":1190,"date":"2025-03-11T17:41:25","date_gmt":"2025-03-11T12:11:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/?p=1190"},"modified":"2025-03-11T17:41:27","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T12:11:27","slug":"hilarious-jokes-collection-to-make-you-laugh-non-stop-02","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/hilarious-jokes-collection-to-make-you-laugh-non-stop-02\/","title":{"rendered":"Hilarious Jokes Collection to Make You Laugh Non-Stop 02"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
\nEach agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
\nTrixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench.
\nShe waited and waited.
\nAfter what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins.
\n\u201cHey, Trixie,\u201d said Patty, \u201chow\u2019d you do?\u201d \u201cNot very good,\u201d came the reply.
\n\u201cI\u2019ve been waiting here for hours.\u201d
\nPatty said: \u201cYou should have been with me did I ever find a good machine! It\u2019s way in the back. Come! I\u2019ll show it to you can\u2019t lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!\u201d
\nA blonde is terribly overweight
\nA software engineer saw a bull pulling a cart<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
\n\u201cWhy do we have to learn this stuff?\u201d
\nThe young man blurted out.
\n\u201cTo save lives,\u201d the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
\nA few minutes later the student spoke up again.
\n\u201cSo how does physics save lives?\u201d
\nThe professor stared at the student for a long time.
\n\u201cPhysics saves lives,\u201d he said, \u201cbecause it keeps the idiots out of medical school.\u201d
\nA secretary walked into her boss
\nThree people were stuck on an island<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home one day when there\u2019s a knock at the door,
\nMandela opens the door and there\u2019s a Japanese man standing there,
\nMandela asks him what he wants and the Japanese guy says he has the cars for him.
\nMandela says he didn\u2019t order any cars but the Japanese guy is insistent and points to the fully loaded car transporter outside.
\nMandela again, argues that he didn\u2019t order any cars, the two continue arguing for some time until eventually the Japanese guy storms off to his truck to get the paperwork.
\nHe comes back waving the papers in Nelsons face, see he says \u201cyou are Nissan main dealer
\nA prist is drowing
\nA hunter had been out hunting bear<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.
\nJudge: \u201cwhy do you think you deserve custody of the child?\u201d
\nEx wife: \u201cI brought him into this world so I should have custody of him\u201d
\nJudge: \u201cthat is a simple yet good reason.\u201d
\nThen the judge looks towards the Ex husband.
\nJudge: \u201cwhy do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?\u201d
\nThe ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies
\nEx Husband: \u201cif I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?\u201d
\nA Dad and a Son were watching TV
\nA elderly couple learned how to send text messages<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.
\nHe awoke before the Pearly Gates.
\nSt.Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep, Ralph.\u201d
\nRalph was stunned. \u201cI\u2019m dead? No, I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much to live for. Send me back!\u201d
\nSt.Peter said, \u201cHmm, perhaps that could be arranged.
\nIt does involves a lot of paperwork\u2026 but sure.
\nYou\u2019ve got two alternatives: you can come back as a fish or as a hen.\u201d
\nRalph never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn\u2019t be that bad after all.
\nWalking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local rooster was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence.
\nRalph replied, \u201cOkay, then I choose to be a hen.\u201d
\nThe next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
\nA rooster strolled past. \u201cSo, you\u2019re the new hen, eh? How\u2019s your first day here?\u201d
\n\u201cNot bad,\u201d replied Ralph the hen, \u201cbut I have this strange feeling inside. Like I\u2019m gonna explode!\u201d
\n\u201cYou\u2019re ovulating,\u201d explained the rooster Don\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never laid an egg before?\u201d
\n\u201cNever,\u201d said Ralph.
\n\u201cWell, just cluck twice and then push.\u201d
\nRalph clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg!
\nRalph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
\nHe then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg.
\nHis joy was overwhelming.
\nAs he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, \u201cDammit, Ralph! Wake up. You\u2019re shitting the bed!!!\u201d
\nA woman goes to her doctor
\nA attorney telephoned the governor<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.
\nShe opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, \u201cHello, I\u2019m a Jehovah\u2019s Witness, do you have a moment to discuss the Holy Word?\u201d
\nThe lady was in a good mood and had just put on a pot of coffee, so she invited the man in and sat down with him at the kitchen table.
\nWhen she offered him a cup of coffee, she noticed that the man looked a little lost.
\nShe asked, \u201cNow, what would you like to talk about, dear?\u201d
\nThe young man replied with a pale and shocked face.
\n\u201cBeats the hell out of me, I\u2019ve never gotten this far\u2026\u201d
\nThe Man Confesses To His Neighbor
\nA blind man walks into a restaurant<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The devil decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing.
\nConfused, he asks them why they\u2019re happy.
\nThey tell him, \u201cWell, we\u2019re so sick of the cold where we\u2019re from, and this place is nice and toasty.\u201d
\nThe devil, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell\u2019s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
\nHe goes back to the Canadians\u2019 room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down.
\nHe enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue.
\nFuriously, he asks them what they\u2019re doing.
\n\u201cWell, we can\u2019t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!\u201d
\nThe devil realizes he\u2019s been doing the wrong thing.
\nHe goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it\u2019s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
\nHe knows he\u2019s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians\u2019 room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
\nHe shouts at them in fury, \u201cWHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?\u201d
\nThey look at him and shout at the same time, \u201cHell froze over! That means the Leafs won!\u201d
\nThe guard stops him and says
\nThe pastor always said<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
\nThe bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
\nWhen he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk\u2019s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat.
\nThe bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
\nHe told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
\nThe drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d the bartender asked.
\n\u201cThat damned Pete!\u201d the drunk chortled, \u201cHe\u2019s so drunk, he thinks he\u2019s me!\u201d
\nThe teacher decides to play game
\nA guy comes home from the bar drunk<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The bride tells her husband, \u201cHoney, you know I\u2019m a pure and I don\u2019t know anything about lovemaking. Can you explain it to me first?\u201d
\n\u201cOK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place \u2018the prison\u2019 and call my private thing \u2018the prisoner\u2019. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
\nAnd then they made love for the first time.
\nAfterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
\nNudging him, his bride giggles, \u201cHoney the prisoner seems to have escaped.\u201d
\nTurning on his side, he smiles.
\n\u201cThen we will have to re-imprison him.\u201d
\nAfter the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of lovemaking, gives him a suggestive smile, \u201cHoney, the prisoner is out again!\u201d
\nThe man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
\nAfterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
\nShe nudges him and says, \u201cHoney, the prisoner escaped again.\u201d
\nLimply turning his head, He yells at her, \u201cHey, its not a life sentence, OK!\u201d
\nA husband and wife decided
\nA young couple decided to wed<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A little boy asked his dad for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park.
\nHis father impressed by his son\u2019s kindness, gave him the dollar.
\n\u201cThere you are my son,\u201d said the father.
\n\u201cBut, tell me, isn\u2019t the little lady able to work any more?\u201d
\n\u201cShe sells candy\u201d was the boy\u2019s reply.
\nA elderly couple was in bed one night
\nA couple attended marriage counseling<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man walks into the barber shop, sits down in the chair and the barber asks, \u201cHow do you want your haircut?\u201d
\nThe man says, \u201d I would like the sideburns one high and one low, a few long hairs sticking out of the back and a few chunks on the side and top.\u201d
\nThe barber looks puzzled and says, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I can do that.\u201d
\nThe customer says, \u201cWhy not, you did it that way last time.\u201d
\nA blonde goes to the doctor
\nA couple lays down for bed<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An elderly guy sticks his head in the barbershop and asks,
\n\u201cHow long before I can get a haircut?\u201d
\nThe barber looks around the shop and says, \u201cAbout two hours.\u201d
\nThe elderly guy leaves.
\nA few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, \u201cHow long before I get a haircut?\u201d
\nThe barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, \u201cAbout two hours.\u201d
\nThe elderly guy leaves.
\nA week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, \u201cHow long before I can get a haircut?\u201d
\nThe barber looks around the shop and says, \u201cAbout an hour and a half.\u201d
\nThe elderly guy leaves.
\nThe barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, \u201cHey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.\u201d
\nIn a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
\nThe barber asks, \u201cBill, where did he go when he left here?\u201d
\nBill looked up and said, \u201cTo your house.\u201d
\nThe animals of the forest are having a meeting
\nA old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: \u201cSomething has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It\u2019s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk shorts. I\u2019ll be home in an hour to pick them up.\u201d
\nHe goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
\nA week later he returns.
\nHis wife asks: \u201cDid you have a good trip, dear?\u201d
\nHe says: \u201d Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk shorts.\u201d
\nHis wife smiles and says, \u201cOh no I didn\u2019t. I put them in your tackle box!\u201d
\nA young woman went to her doctor
\nA grade school teacher was asking students<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

3 vampire brothers want to see who is the strongest
\nThe first brother flies off at 100mph and comes back 10 minutes later.
\nHis mouth was covered in blood. \u201cYou see the mansion over there?\u201d Said the first brother, \u201cI s*cked everybody in there dry.\u201d
\nThe second vampire said \u201cThat\u2019s nothing\u201d and flew off at 150mph and came back 5 minutes later with his nose and mouth covered in blood.
\n\u201cYou see the village over there?\u201d Said the second vampire brother, \u201cI s*cked everybody\u2019s blood dry!\u201d
\nThe third vampire said \u201cThat\u2019s nothing!\u201d And flew off at 200mph and came back 10 seconds later,
\nhis whole face and shirt DRENCHED in blood.
\n\u201cWoah, what happened?\u201d Said the first brother.
\n\u201cWell, you see that tree over there?\u201d Said the third vampire.
\n\u201cYeah?\u201d Replied the other brothers, \u201cI didn\u2019t.\u201d
\nA professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest
\nTwo drunks are talking in a bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

15. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
\nThe wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and they both had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
\nThe wife said \u201cWhere are you, you know we have lots to do.\u201d
\nHe said \u201cYou remember the jewelry store we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?\u201d
\nLittle tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up\u2026
\n\u201cYes, I do remember that shop,\u201d she replied.
\n\u201cWell\u2026 I am in the gun shop next door to that.\u201d
\nA couple made a deal
\nJohnny and his wife had their first fight<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

who after examining him says, \u201cYou have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.\u201d
\nSo the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks, \u201cDo I have to take them every day?\u201d
\n\u201cNo,\u201d replies the doctor, \u201ctake one on Monday, skip Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip Thursday and go on like that.\u201d
\nTwo weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient\u2019s wife.
\n\u201cHello Mrs Murphy,\u201d he says, \u201chow\u2019s your husband?\u201d
\n\u201cOh he died of a heart attack,\u201d says Mrs Murphy.
\n\u201cI\u2019m very sorry to hear that,\u201d says the doctor, \u201cI thought if he took those tablets he would be all right.\u201d
\n\u201cOh the tablets were fine,\u201d says Mrs Murphy, \u201cIt was all the bloody skipping that killed him!\u201d
\nTwo men were sitting in a pub drinking
\nA old Italian man goes to church for confession<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.
\n\u201cOh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.\u201d
\nJames replied, \u201cMy wife loves this beard, I couldn\u2019t possibly do it. She would kill me!\u201d
\n\u201cOh, please?\u201d the girlfriend asked again in a nice little voice.
\n\u201cReally, I can\u2019t\u201d he replied, \u201cMy wife loves this beard!\u201d
\nThe girlfriend asked once more and he sighed and finally gave in.
\nThat night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
\nWife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied, \u201cOh Michael, you shouldn\u2019t be here. My husband will be home soon!\u201d
\nA little old lady tried to phone
\nA kid walks into a class<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An Irishman\u2019s been at a pub all night drinking.
\nThe bartender finally says that the bar is closed.
\nSo he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.
\nHe figures he\u2019ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
\nOnce outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.
\nSo he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face.
\nHe crawls through the door and up the stairs.
\nWhen he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
\nThis time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
\nHe awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
\n\u201cSo, you\u2019ve been out drinking again!!\u201d
\n\u201cHow did you know?\u201d he asks.
\n\u201cThe pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.\u201d
\nA blonde and a brunette were discussing
\nA man went into a bank<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked that was the problem, she responded, \u201cWell, whenever I take off my clothes, my melons get hard.\u201d
\nShocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, \u201cYour melons get hard?\u201d
\n\u201cYes\u201d quite innocently came her reply.
\n\u201cUndress so I can check\u201d replied the still amazed doc.
\nSo, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer.
\nAfter some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, \u201cWell madame, I don\u2019t know what you have, but it sure as hell is contagious!\u201d
\nThe angry wife met her husband
\nMurphy and his wife went for a stroll<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

20. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Tim, Tom, and Teddy were all lost in the forest, each of them had 25 cents to survive.
\nThey walked around for hours, and had no luck.
\nSo Tim suggested that they split up and meet up at that same spot in an hour,
\nthey all agreed and set out on their separate ways.
\nWhile walking Tim came across a tool taste it machine, that cost 25 to use, and he says,
\n\u201cWow! Haven\u2019t got my tool taste it in a while! Why not!\u201d So he puts in his quarter, gets his tool taste it and continues on his way.
\nThen while Tom was walking he comes across it as well, he realized they only had 10 minutes until they were to all meet up again, so he says,
\n\u201cWell I haven\u2019t got my tool taste it in a while, why not?\u201d
\nso he puts in his quarter and gets his tool taste it, after gathering himself he realizes he needed to hurry back , he gets there and Tom and Teddy are waiting for him.
\n\u201cWhere were you?\u201d asked Teddy.
\n\u201cLost track of time.\u201d Said Tom
\n\u201cWell does everyone have their quarters?\u201d Asks Teddy.
\nThey all share a look. \u201cWell?\u201d asks Teddy.
\n\u201cI lost mine!\u201d Said Tim and Tom at the same time.
\nTeddy then smiles and pulls out 3 quarters.
\nOne day there was this little girl watching TV
\nAnant went to his friend\u2019s house<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

21. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two gay men decide to have a baby.
\nThey mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
\nWhen the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
\nA dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.
\nOver in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
\nA nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.
\n\u201cIsn\u2019t it wonderful?\u201d one gay says to the other.
\n\u201cAll these unhappy babies.. and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the Superiority of gay love!\u201d
\nThe nurse says,
\n\u201cOh sure, he\u2019s happy now but just watch what happens,\u2026
\nWhen we pull the thermometer out of his ass
\nAn american was touring Mexico
\nRomantic Love Night After 50 Years<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

22. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A secretary walked into her boss\u2019s office and said,
\n\u201cI\u2019m afraid I\u2019ve got some bad news for you.\u201d
\n\u201cWhy do you always have to give me bad news?\u201d he complained.
\n\u201cTell me some good news for once.\u201d
\n\u201cAlright, here\u2019s some good news,\u201d said the secretary. \u201cYou\u2019re not sterile.\u201d
\nA man walks into a hamburger shop
\nA college physics professor<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

23. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A Londoner meets a stereotypical American redneck
\nThe redneck tells him: \u201cWhy don\u2019t y\u2019all like guns? They\u2019re completely safe!
\nSee, I have mine in my safe next to my bed,
\n I know the passcode so well I can take my gun and kill any intruder in half a second!\u201d
\nThe Londoner replies: \u201cReally? Is it truly that safe?\u201d
\nThe redneck replies: \u201cSure! I\u2019ll give you as much time as you want to crack the safe!
\nIf you do it, I\u2019ll give you some of that tea stuff y\u2019all seem to like!\u201d
\nThe Londoner, excited by this offer agrees, after a few seconds the Londoner already cracked the safe.
\nThe redneck, comes out in anger and yells: \u201cHow the hell did you find the passcode so quickly?
\nAre you a bank robber?\u201d
\n\u201cNo.\u201d Replies the Londoner:
\n\u201cI\u2019m a historian, and I just guessed correctly that your passcode, is 1776.\u201d
\nA guy is eating breakfast with his wife
\nI saw a man sitting alone in the park one day<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
\nThe lawyer replied, \u201cRemember that lousy real estate I bought?
\nWell, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds
\nWhat are you doing here?\u201d
\nThe doctor replied, \u201cRemember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
\nWell, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.\u201d
\nhe lawyer looked puzzled
\n\u201cGee,\u201d he asked, \u201chow did you start the flood?\u201d
\nThe rain was pouring
\nLying in the hospital bed a dying man<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

25. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
\nIt showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll bet you $10 he\u2019ll jump,\u201d said the first guy.
\n\u201cBet you $10 he won\u2019t,\u201d said the second guy.
\nThen, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
\nThe second guy hands the first guy the money.
\n\u201cI can\u2019t take your money,\u201d said the first guy.
\n\u201cI cheated you. The same story was on the five o\u2019clock news.\u201d
\n\u201cNo, no. Take it,\u201d said the second guy.
\n\u201cI saw the five o\u2019clock news too. I just didn\u2019t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!\u201d
\nA elderly couple were on a cruise
\nHe walked into the kitchen<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

26. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A teacher asks her class, \u201dIf there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?\u201d She calls on little Johnny.
\n\u201dNone, they all fly away with the first gunshot.\u201d
\nThe teacher replies, \u201dThe correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.\u201d
\nThen Little Johnny says, \u201dI have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and taste it the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?\u201d
\nThe teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, \u201dWell I suppose the one that\u2019s gobbled down the top and taste it the cone.\u201d
\n\u201dThe correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on but I like your thinking.\u201d
\nShe goes to doctor
\nA squirrel and 2 bees are going on a road trip<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

27. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

There was a loser who couldn\u2019t get a date.
\nHe went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.
\nThe guy said, \u201cIt\u2019s simple.
\nI just say, I\u2019m a lawyer.\u201d
\nSo the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
\nAfter she said \u201cNo,\u201d he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
\nShe said, \u201cOh!!!! Your a lawyer?\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cWhy,\u2026 Yes I am!\u201d
\nSo they went to his place and when they were in bed, lovemaking, he started to laugh to himself.
\nWhen she asked what was so funny, he answered, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I\u2019m already lovemaking someone.
\nOne knight told his best friend
\nYoung lady drove a little yellow sports car<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

28. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, \u201cGive me six double vodkas.\u201d
\nThe barman says, \u201cWow, you must have had one hell of a day.\u201d
\n\u201cYeah, I just found out my oldest son is lesbian.\u201d
\nThe next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas.
\nWhen the bartender asks what\u2019s wrong, the man says,
\n\u201cI just found out that my youngest son is lesbian, too!\u201d
\nOn the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas.
\nThe bartender says, \u201cJesus! Doesn\u2019t anybody in your family like women?\u201d
\nThe man downs the first drink and shakes his head, \u201cYeah, my wife!\u201d
\nThe Social Security Office
\nA doctor says to them<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

29. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: \u2018What do you want to be when you grow up?\u2019
\nLittle Larry says: \u2018I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.\u2019
\nThe teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson \u2018And how about you, Sarah?\u2019
\n\u2018I wanna be Larry\u2019s whore.\u2019
\nA police officer in a small town stopped
\nA woman went to doctor office<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

30. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man goes to heaven and is greeted by an angel who shows him around the place
\n\u201cOver there is a local restaurant, it\u2019s guaranteed to have your favorite meal there\u201d said the angel
\n\u201cAnd over there is a theater, and to the left, there\u2019s a swimming pool\u201d
\nThe angel soon finishes the tour and finds that the man is overjoyed.
\nThe angel had one more thing to say though, \u201cgoing to the gym on a daily basis is mandatory\u201d
\nThe man, out of curiosity asks why
\n\u201cHow do you think we stay demon-free? We make sure everyone exorcises their demons\u201d
\nA man stands before St. Peter
\nThe Scotsman\u2019s first baseball game<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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