{"id":1196,"date":"2025-03-11T17:42:28","date_gmt":"2025-03-11T12:12:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/?p=1196"},"modified":"2025-03-11T17:42:30","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T12:12:30","slug":"get-ready-to-burst-into-laughter-with-these-jokes-05","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.abhinaynarayan.com\/blog\/get-ready-to-burst-into-laughter-with-these-jokes-05\/","title":{"rendered":"Get Ready to Burst into Laughter with These Jokes 05"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

\u201cHow can I know the best way to act in life?\u201d the disciple asked the master.
\nThe master asked him to build a table.
\nThe disciple drove in the nails with three precise blows.
\nOne nail, however, struck a hard spot and the disciple needed to deliver one more blow \u2013 which drove in the nail too deep all the way into the wood.
\n\u201cYour hand was used to three blows of the hammer,\u201d said the master.
\n\u201cYou had so much trust in what you did that you lost your attention and skill.\u201d
\n\u201cWhen action becomes a mere habit it loses its meaning and may end up causing harm, so never let routine be in command of your movements.\u201d
\nAfter a long sermon
\nA young man walks into a supermarket<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side.
\n\u201cSon, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants.
\nI gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did.
\nThey were huge on her and she said that she couldn\u2019t wear them because they were too large.
\nI said to her, \u2018Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.\u2019
\nEver since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.\u201d
\nBrian took his dad\u2019s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night.
\nThen, Jill took off her underwear and gave them to Brian.
\n\u201cTry these on,\u201d she said.
\nBrian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small.
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s the point of this? I can\u2019t get into your underwear,\u201d said Brian.
\n\u201cExactly,\u201d Jill replied, \u201cand if you don\u2019t change your attitude, you never will!\u201d
\nA drunken man walked into a bar
\nA young sailor was sitting in a bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Two drunks are walking along.
\nOne drunk says to the other, \u201cWhat a beautiful night. Look at that moon!\u201d
\nThe other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend.
\n\u201cYou are wrong. That\u2019s not the moon; that\u2019s the sun!\u201d
\nBoth continued arguing for awhile when they came upon another drunk walking along.
\nSo they stopped him and said, \u201cSir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that\u2019s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?\u201d
\nThe third drunk look at the sky and then looked at them and said, \u201cSorry, I don\u2019t live around here.\u201d
\nA blonde goes to the post office
\nA woman was very distraught<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Bill\u2019s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, it was not getting a thoughtful gift on a special occasion.
\nBill quizzed all his friends, co workers, clients and anyone he happened to bump into, as to what would be a good anniversary present.
\nHe finally settled on a huge bouquet of flowers.
\nNot willing to trust himself to pick out the right flowers, Bill called up a local flower shop with strict instructions to deliver the biggest most beautiful bouquet of flowers first thing in the morning with the following note \u201cHappy Anniversary Year Number Two!\u201d
\nThe morning of the Anniversary Bill made sure Suzy would be the one to answer the door as he waited anxiously in the other room.
\n\u201cWHAT THE HELL IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!\u201d
\nHollered Suzy angrily holding up his well thought out note, \u201cHappy Anniversary You\u2019re Number Two!\u201d
\nHarry and Sam were going for a stroll
\nA drunk man walks out of a bar<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

5. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
\n\u201cMay I help you sir?\u201d she asked.
\nThe man replied, \u201cI want to see Valerie.\u201d
\n\u201cSir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies perhaps you would prefer someone else\u201d, said the madam.
\nHe replied, \u201cNo, I must see Valerie.\u201d
\nJust then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.
\nWithout hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
\nAfter an hour, the man calmly left.
\nThe next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
\nValerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
\n\u201cThere are no discounts.
\nThe price is still $10,000.\u201d
\nAgain, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs after an hour, he left.
\nThe following night the man was there yet again everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
\nAfter their session, Valerie said to the man, \u201cNo one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
\nWhere are you from?\u201d
\nThe man replied, \u201cSt Louis.\u201d
\n\u201cReally,\u201d she said.
\n\u201cI have family in St Louis.\u201d
\n\u201cI know,\u201d the man said.
\n\u201cYour sister died, and I am her lawyer.
\nShe asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.\u201d
\nA hotel guest calls the front desk
\nA circuit-riding preacher trained his horse<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

6. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
\nWhile he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,
\n\u201cI\u2019ll have a C monkey please.\u201d
\nThe shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
\nHe fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that\u2019ll be $5000.\u201d
\nThe customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
\nStartled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,
\n\u201cThat was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?\u201d
\nThe shopkeeper answered,
\n\u201cAh, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.\u201d
\nThe tourist looked at the monkey in another cage.
\n\u201cThat one\u2019s even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, that one\u2019s a C++ monkey; it can manage object \u2013 oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,\u201d
\nsaid the shopkeeper.
\nThe tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
\nThe price tag around its neck read $50,000.
\nHe gasped to the shopkeeper,
\n\u201cThat one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?\u201d
\nThe shopkeeper replied,
\n\u201cWell, I haven\u2019t actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager.\u201d
\nWoman v\/s Umbrella Thief
\nDrunkard Mick & Paddy<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

7. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A 5-years-old was visiting his grandmother.
\nPlaying with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting.
\nHe looked up and said, \u201cGrandma, how come you don\u2019t have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?\u201d
\nGrandma replied, \u201cHoney, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me fell good and the comedies make me laugh. I\u2019m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.\u201d
\nWhen grandma turned on the TV, the reception was terrible.
\nShe started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
\nFrustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
\nThe little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandmas\u2019 Minister.
\nThe Minister said \u201chello son is your grandma home?\u201d
\nThe little boy replied, \u201cYeah she\u2019s in the bedroom banging her boyfriend\u201d
\nThe Minister fainted.
\nA man walks pass a beggar on the corner
\nA gentleman wife is planning on dinner party<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

8. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A 72-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician.
\nAfter two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing \u201cfairly well\u201d for his age.
\nA little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn\u2019t resist asking the doctor,
\n\u201cDo you think I\u2019ll live to be 80?\u201d
\nThe doctor asked,
\n\u201cWell, do you smoke or drink beer?\u201d
\n\u201cOh no,\u201d Edgar replied, \u201cI\u2019ve never done either.\u201d
\nThen the doctor asked,
\n\u201cDo you eat rib-eye steaks and barb-qued ribs?\u201d
\nEdgar said, \u201cNo, I\u2019ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!\u201d
\n\u201cDo you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?\u201d the doctor asked.
\n\u201cNo, I don\u2019t,\u201d Edgar replied.
\nThen the doctor asked,
\n\u201cDo you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?\u201d
\n\u201cNo,\u201d Edgar said,
\n\u201cI don\u2019t do any of those things.\u201d
\nThe good doctor looked at Edgar and said,
\n\u201cThen why the heck do you want to live to be 80?\u201d
\nThe 6th-grade science teacher
\nThree Russian men are sitting in a jail<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

9. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

During the Ice Age many animals died because of the cold.
\nSeeing this situation, the porcupines decided to group together, so they wrapped up well and protected one another.
\nBut they hurt one another with their thorns, and so then they decided to stay apart from one another.
\nThey started to freeze to death again.
\nSo they had to make a choice: either they vanished from the face of the earth or they accepted their neighbor\u2019s thorns.
\nThey wisely decided to stay together again.
\nThey learned to live with the small wounds that a very close relationship could cause, because the most important thing was the warmth given by the other and in the end they survived.
\nA lion was feeling very hungry
\nA man knocked at his Bedouin<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

10. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
\nThe Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
\nFinally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
\nThe drunk mumbles, \u201cAin\u2019t no use knocking\u2019!
\nThere\u2019s no paper on this side either!\u201d
\nOne night a lady came home
\nMother superior tells two new nuns<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

11. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
\nThe cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, \u201cAre you seriously hurt?\u201d
\n\u201cHow should I know?\u201d the man answers, \u201cI\u2019m not a lawyer!\u201d
\nA man walks into the psychiatrist
\nA woman went to her dentist<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

12. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary.
\nAfraid of make love annoyance issues he held himself off for a week, but finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her.
\nBut within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on.
\nSo, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her.
\n\u201cListen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?\u201d
\nLooking him in the eyes, she replied, \u201cMy lawyer!\u201d
\nA old man and old woman are together
\nThree women are about to be executed<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

13. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An old man and an old woman are together every night.
\nThey aren\u2019t married, but for years and years they have spent every night together.
\nAll they ever do is sit on the couch buck unclothed and watch TV while she holds his tool.
\nEvery night, like clockwork, they do this sit on the couch watching TV while she holds his tool.
\nOne night he doesn\u2019t show up.
\nThen a second night goes by no show. She calls him up.
\n\u201cWhere you been?\u201d \u201cOh \u2026 I\u2019ve been down at what\u2019s her name\u2019s.\u201d \u201cWhat are you doing there?\u201d
\n\u201cPretty much the same thing we do sitting unclothed on the couch watching TV while she holds my tool.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, what does she have that I don\u2019t have?\u201d
\nA mother was reading a book
\nA hot new secretary<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

14. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss.
\nEach day, the boss left work early.
\nOne day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too.
\nAfter all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
\nThe brunette was thrilled to be home early.
\nShe did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son and went to bed early.
\nThe redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
\nThe blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband.
\nBut when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom.
\nSlowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
\nGently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
\nThe next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
\n\u201cNo way,\u201d she said, \u201cI almost got caught yesterday!\u201d
\nA co-worker told John
\nA female reporter was conducting an interview<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

15. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

It was a little boy\u2019s first day in school and a teacher was going to play a \u201cguessing\u201d game.
\nShe passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received.
\nWhen it was the new boy, Kenny\u2019s turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss.
\nShe asked \u201cDo you know what it is?\u201d
\nKenny replied \u201cNo\u201d
\nThe teacher said, \u201cGo ahead and open it up and taste it.\u201d
\nLittle Kenny did so.
\nThe teacher then asked, \u201cNow do you know what it is?\u201d
\nLittle Kenny said \u201cNo.\u201d
\nThe teacher said, \u201cI\u201dll give you a hint it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work.\u201d
\nA little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams \u201cKENNY, SPIT IT OUT\u2026 IT\u2019S A PIECE OF BUM.\u201d
\nA couple on their first night
\nJohnny went to the store with his grandmother<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

16. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor.
\nAs they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father.
\nThey agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine.
\nThe doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father.
\nThe wife says, \u201cOh, that\u2019s actually better.\u201d
\nThe husband says he can\u2019t feel anything.
\nThen the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn\u2019t hurt nearly as much.
\nThe husband says he sill can\u2019t feel anything.
\nThe Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%.
\nThe husband still can\u2019t feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her.
\nThe baby is born.
\nThe couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.
\nA guy walks into a bar
\nA police officer attempts to stop<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

17. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A woman went shopping.
\nAt the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.
\nThe cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse:
\nHe could not control his curiosity and ask.
\n\u201cDo you always carry your TV remote with you?\u201d
\nShe replied. \u201cNo, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote.\u201d
\nThe cashier laughed and then returned all the items that the lady had purchased.
\nShocked at this act. She asked the cashier what he was doing.
\nHe said. \u201cYour husband has blocked your credit card.\u201d
\nA old man goes to his doctor
\nMartin and his wife Debbie walk into a dentist<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

18. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A police car pulled up in front of grandma Bessie\u2019s house, and grandpa got out.
\nThe polite policeman explained that the elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn\u2019t find his way home.
\n\u201cMorris,\u201d said grandma, \u201cyou\u2019ve been going to that park for over 30 years, how come you get lost today?\u201d
\nLeaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn\u2019t hear, grandpa whispered,
\n\u201cI wasn\u2019t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.\u201d
\nThe court why you want a divorce
\nThe husband called the wife on the phone<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

19. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
\nOne day a friend asked, \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you married? Can\u2019t you find a woman who will be a good wife?\u201d
\nThomas replied, \u201cActually, I\u2019ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn\u2019t like them.\u201d
\nHis friend thinks for a moment and says, \u201cI\u2019ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who\u2019s just like your mother.\u201d
\nA few months later they meet again and his friend says, \u201cDid you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?\u201d
\nWith a frown on his face, Thomas answers, \u201cYes, I found the perfect girl
\nShe was just like my mother you were right, my mother liked her very much.\u201d
\nThe friend said, \u201cThen what\u2019s the problem?\u201d
\nThomas replied, \u201cMy father doesn\u2019t like her.\u201d
\nTwo young guys appear in court
\nNasreddin Hodja had a buffalo<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

20. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Three old ladies Gertrude, Maude and Tilly \u2013 were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.
\nSuddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the park.
\nHe was holding his coat together with his hands and didn\u2019t seem to be wearing anything underneath it.
\nThe young man came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat in one quick motion, revealing his undressed body.
\nGertrude immediately had a stroke.
\nThen Maude also had a stroke.
\nBut Tilly, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn\u2019t quite reach that far.
\nA Zen student said to his teacher
\nA old man is eating his lunch<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

21. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
\nThe teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
\nThe girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
\nIrritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
\nThe little girl said,\u201dWhen i get to heaven i will ask Jonah.\u201d
\nThe teacher asked, \u201cWhat if Jonah went to hell?\u201d
\nThe little girl replied, \u201cThen you ask him.\u201d
\nThe pastor found a pink envelope
\nA guy is reading his paper when his wife<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

22. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A man has been drinking all day at a bar.
\nLate at night, he suddenly checks his clock.
\n\u201c1:30 am, darn. I need to go home now or the wife\u2019s going to kill me,\u201d he says to the bartender.
\nBut as he\u2019s trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.
\n\u201cI\u2019m just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up.\u201d
\nSo he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again he falls to the floor, this time even harder.
\nAt this point, he realizes this won\u2019t work, but he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house.
\nAfter 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his blissfully sleeping wife and passes out.
\nThe next morning his wife wakes him up, not kindly.
\n\u201cSo\u2026 how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day?\u201d
\nThe man is 100% sure his wife was asleep when he got home, so he tries to play it cool: \u201cNot really, just hanging with some coworkers we didn\u2019t drink much just a couple of beers.\u201d
\nHis wife starts nodding understandably: \u201cAh ha, makes sense.\u201d
\nShe starts to turn and then stops and turns back to him:
\n\u201cOh, by the way, the bar owner called this morning, your wheelchair\u2019s there, idiot.\u201d
\nA man hankering after some chili
\nTwo pigeons are sitting on a roof<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

23. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.
\nDylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times.
\nAfter no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.
\nDylan asked, \u201cWho are you?\u201d
\nThe fat man replied, \u201cI am a genie you have freed from that lamp.\u201d
\nDylan questioned, \u201cOh man, do I get three wishes?\u201d
\nThe genie replied, \u201cSince you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one.\u201d
\nDylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, \u201cI want to be the best golfer ever.\u201d
\nThe surprised genie said, \u201cYou sure?
\nMost people wish for money, but okay.
\nNow your wife gets one wish.\u201d
\nDylan brought over his wife who wished right away, \u201cI want a million dollars every week of my life.\u201d
\nThe genie said, \u201cGranted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I\u2019ve been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan.\u201d
\nDylan said, \u201cNo way!\u201d
\nThe genie replied, \u201cNot even for a million dollars a week?\u201d
\nDylan turned to his wife, who said, \u201cI guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves.\u201d
\nDylan said, \u201cOkay, have fun, I guess,\u201d and left.
\nDylan\u2019s wife then proceeded to have wild make love for the rest of the day with the genie.
\nWhen they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was.
\nShe said, \u201cForty-five.\u201d
\nThe Genie laughed and said, \u201cIsn\u2019t he a little old to be believing in genies?\u201d
\nBill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner
\nThey each go into the woods find a bear<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A husband asks his wife, \u201cWill you marry after I die?\u201d
\nThe wife responds, \u201cNo, I will live with my sister.\u201d
\nThe wife asks him back, \u201cWill you marry after I die?\u201d
\nThe husband responds, \u201cNo, I will also live with your sister.\u201d
\nA mother comes home from work
\nA man and a woman are sleeping<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

25. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

This woman\u2019s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
\nOne day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
\nAs she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, \u201cYou know what?
\nYou have been with me through all the bad times.
\nWhen I got fired, you were there to support me.
\nWhen my business failed, you were there.
\nWhen I got shot, you were by my side.
\nWhen we lost the house, you stayed right here.
\nWhen my health started failing, you were still by my side\u2026
\nYou know what?\u201d \u201cWhat dear,\u201d she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
\n\u201cI think you\u2019re bad luck..
\nI wake up and my dog is with a rabbit in her mouth
\nA man took his pregnant wife to the hospital<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

26. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest strength.
\nTake, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
\nThe boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master.
\nThe boy was doing well, so he couldn\u2019t understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
\n\u201cSensei,\u201d the boy finally said, \u201cShouldn\u2019t I be learning more moves?\u201d
\n\u201cThis is the only move you know, but this is the only move you\u2019ll ever need to know,\u201d the sensei replied.
\nNot quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
\nSeveral months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches.
\nThe third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match.
\nStill amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
\nThis time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced for a while, the boy appeared to be over matched.
\nConcerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out.
\nHe was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
\n\u201cNo,\u201d the sensei insisted, \u201cLet him continue.\u201d
\nSoon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him.
\nThe boy had won the match and the tournament he was the champion.
\nOn the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match.
\nThen the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
\n\u201cSensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?\u201d
\n\u201cYou won for two reasons,\u201d the sensei answered.
\n\u201cFirst, you\u2019ve almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo and second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.\u201d
\nThe boy\u2019s biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
\nOne young academically excellent person
\nWhispering firmly to the dying man<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

27. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

\u201cFollow me son\u201d, the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people
\nThe father added, \u201cFirst, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.\u201d
\nAnd they did.
\n\u201cWell done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.\u201d
\nAnd they did.
\n\u201cNow we eat everybody.\u201d
\nAnd they did.
\nWhen they were both gorged, the son asked, \u201cDad, why didn\u2019t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?\u201d
\nHis wise father replied, \u201cBecause they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!\u201d
\nThe king of a small African nation
\nNasruddin Hodja had a buffalo<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

28. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

A teacher asks a student:
\n\u201cWhat kind of woman would you like to be with when you\u2019re all grown up?\u201d
\n\u201cA woman like the moon!\u201d Answers the kid.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s beautiful,\u201d breathes the teacher, \u201cwhat a choice! Because you\u2019d like her to be beautiful and radiant like the moon?\u201d
\n\u201cNo, I\u2019d like her to appear at night and disappear come morning!\u201d
\nThree nuns who had recently died
\nTwo Irish nuns have just arrived<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

29. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical.
\nAll of his tests come back with normal results.
\nThe doctor says, \u201cGeorge, everything looks great.
\nHow are you doing mentally and emotionally?
\nAre you at peace with God?\u201d
\nGeorge replies, \u201cGod and I are tight.
\nHe knows I have poor eyesight, so he\u2019s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!
\nThe light goes on.
\nWhen I\u2019m done, poof! the light goes off.\u201d
\n\u201cWow, that\u2019s incredible,\u201d the doctor says.
\nA little later in the day, the doctor calls George\u2019s wife.
\n\u201cEthel,\u201d he says, \u201cGeorge is doing fine!
\nBut I had to call you because I\u2019m in awe of his relationship with God.
\nIs it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he\u2019s done, poof! the light goes off?\u201d
\nOh my God!\u201d Ethel exclaims.
\n\u201cHe\u2019s peeing in the refrigerator again!\u201d
\nJuan comes up to the border on his bicycle
\nHe breaks into a house to look for money<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

30. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Funny<\/p>\n

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.
\nThe first man said, \u201cmy wife was reading a \u201ctale of two cities\u201d and she gave birth to twins\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s funny\u201d, the second man remarked, \u201cmy wife was reading \u2018the three musketeers\u2019 and she gave birth to triplets\u201d
\nThe third man shouted, \u201cGood God, I have to rush home!\u201d
\nWhen asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, \u201d When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves\u201d!!!
\nTwo men are in a doctor office
\nTwo small boys<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. \u201cHow can I know the best way to act in life?\u201d the disciple asked the master. The master asked him to build a table. The disciple drove in the nails with three precise blows. 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